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I got reminded of this incident due to @elvismercury’s recent post “Who Americans spend time with, over time”.
Back when I was a father of one, I met up with an ex-colleague who has four kids. Noisy, rowdy boys. Life has kinda taken us apart, so it was a reunion after a hiatus of several years. Parenthood was driving me nuts, so I didn’t begin our meetup with a softball question. Instead, the question that I bombarded her with was, “what about your me time?”
“I’m having lunch with you,” she said without even hesitating, “This is my me time.”
I was flabbergasted by how she would consider a social meetup as part of her me time. I realised what I had meant to ask was alone time and proceeded to ask her that.
“Okay. What about time being alone?” I pressed on.
She answered me, but her answer isn’t quite relevant to what I want to ask here. What does me time mean to you? Does time spent with friends and away from immediate family members count? Or are you the stereotypical man who retreats into his man cave and craves his solitude?
Interesting question! I've never thought about this before so don't have a very reasoned response.
My initial reaction is that me-time is something where I'm not having to take any other needs into account, I am pursuing my own ends with pure selfishness. This is different from social engagements for me -- even though my social engagements are pleasurable, I'm always working to take the other person's needs into account. I want them to get something out of it so I work for that. The nicest social interactions require very little work, but it's still there, always.
Me-time is pure. The most usual example would be reading weird shit that nobody else cares about and that has no utility other than to interest me. The "no utility" part matters, because a lot of time I try to make the time spent useful to my larger life. The me-time doesn't need to be useful. It is an indulgence.
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I have similar views with you. I like to do weird shit that no one cares about. For example, all my department colleagues know to give me their preloved papers so that I can take them to the recycling machine. I genuinely enjoy doing that these days because of the walk and distraction from work and everything.
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Interesting! A lot of people would go on tk say that 'me time' is synonymous to 'quality time' but for me it's always been when I can be alone into my mind.
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I’m like you. I need my space haha
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24 sats \ 1 reply \ @godlikeXi 8h
Time for hobbies. Time to recharge. Time to veg the fuck out.
Life is a lot of management of tasks, problem solving and acting on plans. Sometimes it's ok to hang out and do something that has nothing to do with making money, facilitating someone else's happiness or stroking egos.
Unplug. Relax relate release. Touch: glass, ass, and grass.
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Your response reminds me of a poem
What is life, if we have no time to stand and stare?
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It's both and all. "Me time" is both time alone, time with a romantic partner, or time spent with a friend or social group. Basically, anything that isn't work. It's time taken and spent in a conscious way to better my enjoyment of life, who is there for that enjoyment doesn't really dictate whether it's "me time" or not.
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That’s a really good way to look at it - better my enjoyment of life. Reminds me of how all roads lead to Rome
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72 sats \ 2 replies \ @flat24 12h
I honestly think I could move between this duality. "Me time" could be being alone, listening to my thoughts or doing some activity like skating or walking on the beach alone, or just being at home in my office (man cave) where I disconnect and spend some of that time on something directly related to me, but I think it could also be time for me when, when I apply "time for you". That is, when I decide to play with my daughter, talk to my wife, or watch a movie together, go for a walk outside, or simply do a craft at home, or maybe get together to eat something and just chat with a friend. It is quality time that I do not take selfishly thinking only about myself, but I decide to spend that quality time with my family, friends. And when I make the decision to take "time for you" at the same time it is "time for me" that I am taking.
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I think this is exactly how my friend has framed her me time. I’m quite amazed by how you guys are so generous with your energy. For me, I need my freedom, so me time is exclusively alone time haha
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I wad guilty of the same thing a lot of new people do. Over training. I was definitely doing too much, I had a lot of "junk volume"
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48 sats \ 1 reply \ @Aardvark 12h
Me time is in the gym. Its my chance to challenge and improve myself. I compete against me. I have 4 years of data tracking the progress of every single thing I've done in the gym and every single time, I try to do better.
The feeling I get when I push myself past what I did before is what keeps me going.
The improvement to my mental health since I started lifting has been staggering. I don't think I'll ever quit.
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Four years is a lot of consistency! Well done.
Given the data you have harvested up to now and the insights you have gained, what advice would you have given to the you from four years ago?
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I get a lot of me time, not as much as pre parenthood, still I've enough 'me time'. I can only thanks to my parents or our culture that allows is we live together under one roof.
"Me time" for me is exclusive to myself alone where it's only I and my thoughts. However I'd also consider 'me time' to be in under the same roof with everyone but when noone's asking me for anything. That may be watching a movie/show alone or typing this comment.
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You’re so lucky to have family support! I think the main reason why I struggle with parenting is that my wife and I have to do everything 24/7 and don’t get a respite
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Harley time... just shut up and ride... :-)
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Do you ride into the woods? xP
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I do, park in the designated areas and tale a walk :-)
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Me Time is when I get to do whatever I want. If that involves meeting up with people to socialize or play games, then that's Me Time. But more often than not it means chilling in front of a video game by myself
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I sometimes read that teachers in the States have to work a second or even third job to make ends meet. I’m glad you’re not in that position!
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24 sats \ 1 reply \ @ama 16h
I won't tell, it's just mine.
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Spoken like a boss
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I feel like me time is just about recharging and feeling like myself again. Liks it’s being alone just sitting with my thoughts, and other times it’s hanging out with people who don’t drain me. It’s less about what I’m doing and more about how it makes me feel calm, free and more connected to myself.
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Sounds like you do mindfulness and/or meditation. Do you carve out this me time every day?
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I do whatever it takes to make my mind/life calm and peaceful whether it comes from reading, mediating, listening to music and what not.
Do you carve out this me time every day?
I wish I could, but in this era you could atleast grab some moments of it, that you can say 'me' time.
Also Merry Christmas to you Sensei :)
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Running outside
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