I've been in similar situations at times in my life, and was similarly frustrated. I didn't react well, during those times, because I was really dumb.

What I would ask my formal self, if I were faced with him, is: have you tried telling the truth? It's weird to imagine, but my logic at the time is that I was being invited into an interaction that I had no interest in ("What are your plans for the future") and because I didn't want to be in that interaction, I responded un-gracefully.

But there's another kind of conversation I think could have been on offer, and that would have been kind of interesting, which is to literally say some of the things that you have just said, or that I was thinking about back then, and see what came back. At least then I would be having an actual encounter! And older-me has found that those can be strangely interesting, and sometimes really lovely.

Like, you can walk away feeling really connected to someone when you say something like: The thought of getting a job and going to it for the next couple years -- let alone for the rest of my life -- makes me want to vomit, or kill myself. That is the introduction to a real conversation, real connection. You can't say where it will go, but at least it's something. It's not just tepid pro-forma bullshit.

I basically never opened myself up to such things, growing up. I try to do it now, but as you said, this kind of engagement does require energy, there's no getting around it. And I don't always have the energy.

Anyway, that's what I would say to younger-me, maybe it can be the seed of something for you.

First of all, there are very few irreversible decisions. In fact, I can only think of three...

However, every decision has a cost, including not making a decision. Now, let's imagine 2 scenarios.

Scenario 1... You get a job, work for a year and then quit. Scenario 2... You spend a year thinking about what the perfect job might be.

In scenario 1 you get some work experience, earn some money, meet some people and still have time to think about your future. When you quit you'll have a better idea of what to do next.

In scenario 2 you might figure out the perfect path forward but you're now further away from achieving it. You have no savings, no experience and nothing to show for your time except thoughts.

The truth is, you are asking the right questions but you need to accept that you don't have all the answers yet. The only way to find the answers is to make decisions and iterate. Try things, see what works and what doesn't and repeat.

It isn't fun to be in the middle of those feelings. I think I was in a similar situation a decade or so ago.

Looking back, the biggest thing I can see is this: just make a decision.

Introspection is good. Spend time on it. But also you need action. Thinking doesn't really get you anywhere, it just aims the wheels. You still have to press the accelerator.

So that's my advice: press the accelerator. Pick something (preferably something that has a chance of making you some reliable income) and stomp on the gas pedal.

You are young. You can always change things up later. Especially if you develop a skill and a bit of financial peace of mind.

You got this!

That's tough. I've often gravitated towards jobs that are very flexible in their hours, because I also chafe at having to get up at a certain time or having to go into work.

There's definitely a tradeoff. I could be making 2x or 3x my current salary if I would put up with a bunch of things I know I don't like.

Are you in a position to do various sorts of gig work? Maybe having a bunch of options on the table will make work feel more like a choice.

Good luck

Interesting timing. @kepford and I were talking about similar issues, though there are generational differences. Since I'm old enough to be your grandfather, I imagine my dad if I uttered your words to him. Suffice it to say it would get ugly. It's not a judgment thing. Expectations have changed over the last hundred years. Back then the focus was getting enough food to eat and shelter. Anything else you got in life was a blessing.

It took me a while to figure out what I wanted to do as a "career". But, before that I worked in many "jobs". There is NO SHAME in working a job. Career can become an idol and a slave master. Many let it become their identity. I went through a phase of that. Work / Career is not a good master. Your worth is deeper than the title you hold.

But, work is worth while. When you see that you have helped someone with a problem that can be rewarding if you have the right perspective. One huge problem today is that so much work seems pointless. It can be hard to see the results or believe they are positive. Years ago I heard a gentleman speak about money being a thank you. When I work for someone for whatever reason, they will pay me. They had to do work or someone had to do work to get that money. So they are parting with the fruits of their labor in exchange for my help. Even if I don't see the fruits of my labor someone does or else they would not pay me.

If you are having trouble finding something you want to do then I would suggest trying a lot of things. I'm not sure how many types of work you've tried but that might be an issue. I'm old enough to be your father and I have seen through the years being a manager and co-worker than many people that do not come from a blue collar background do not value their employment as much as I do. I don't know your background but my father was poor. He never finished school. He was born in a log cabin poor. His family was one of the poorest in a poor community. But, he worked hard and was honest. He provided for me and taught me to work hard.

Keep your head up. You will figure it out. Try to remember your family may have went through things that you don't understand and that affect the way they view you. Family can be messy but I hope they care for you and are pressuring you from a good place. Maybe what is missing is a motivation. A goal. I wanted to provide for my wife when I was young. Then we had a kid. I would do anything for him. Now I realize that doing good work is motivating in itself. I'm improving myself. People paying me validate that but even if I was fired I'd know that it was temporary. I wrote a bit about my recent struggles in Zoom out. It was one of your posts that led me to step back and zoom out. I was feeling hopeless at times. Its ridiculous for me to even write it because it is absurd but that is what the mind can do to us. Hang in there @Fabs. You can't control other people. The older you get the less you care about what they think and say. Its one of the rewards of living long :)

It's a really common struggle, especially for people in their 20s who are trying to figure out what path they want to take in life. The truth is, it's okay to not know exactly what you want to do yet. All who wander are not lost. I bet that is when you have your best ideas.

your life is probably too easy you need your parents to kick you out of the house then the boy will be forced to become a man, or drown

or you can simulate this in your mind and ask yourself all the things you have now that you take for granted

Humans have a strong built-in preference for following traditions because that helped humans survive in a world that changed slowly. So it is understandable that your family attempts to make you follow traditions in their misguided belief that this will help you.

However it is absolutely not OK for your family to place strong expectations upon you, to demand that you "continue the lineage" or "be a man" or have a wife or whatever.

Then you tell everyone around you to fuck off. Don't attend family meetings that you dread.

What a strange question! People were making fabric all their lives... and then looms appeared. People were breeding horses all their lives... and then cars appeared. etc., etc. And now we have AI. Count on the damn thing breaking in several years. And then you'll adapt and overcome like everyone else.

Quarter life crisis are becoming a more frequent thing, it can be a difficult time. If your path in healthcare doesn't give you peace than on too the next thing, some of us find the joy in the never ending search. But your never alone on the journey 🫂

I understand your situation, you just haven't found what you want to do or your path yet, some people take longer others less to find their way, or believe that they have found it in some cases, don't put pressure on yourself, that pressure sometimes comes from external agents and not from your own thoughts, maybe when you least expect it, in those moments of introspection, you discover what you really want to do.

There's work you can do that isn't too demanding, while giving you the opportunity to buy yourself some time to figure out a way forward. In other words, it's work that requires minimal investment allowing you to pivot with minimal losses. I'll pass on the idea I received which had the effect of giving my life the direction it needed. Note I'm not doing this work anymore, but it was life-changing:

Besides walking in the woods and introspecting and posting on SN, what do you enjoy doing? You don't have to get a job. You can create one for yourself but you have to figure out what you would like to spend your time doing or what you would be willing to do that others aren't that you can leverage to make money, buy assets and eventually time for yourself to do what you like to do.

Every time I leave something behind, my life gets better. The universe rewards bravery.

I don’t have advice for you but I’ll share my journey so far in hopes that you may get something out of it.

For context, I’m quite privileged, not really having to worry about finances, grew up in a pretty normal functional family.

I had an existential crisis at the age of 18. I am currently 22 btw. I ran out of money, and because my dad is a hardcore conspiracy theorist, I knew the sky was falling from an early age- I needed to do something about my money situation. His obsession with central banking, the cabal, etc etc… naturally led me to the conclusion that I needed money, fast and I needed it now. (obviously he scared me straight lol)

My best friend is a successful music producer and he got me into producing around 2021. I made music for about a year, and I never made a penny. I had a girlfriend that I sadly neglected hard through this time, regretfully. We are still together to this day 💝. I cut ties with my music producer friend and our friend group due to different opinions regarding covid, and we just didn’t see eye to eye anymore. Maybe I grew up or something idk. Anyways the money issue thing was still stuck in my frontal lobe so I started looking into crypto- as any genZ does. This led me towards shitcoining for a couple months and I finally landed in bitcoin land. I bought my first bitcoin in early 2023.

Fast forward to today, I am currently working with my dad- we run a small health business that supports our entire family and some. I won’t disclose what we do as some may call me a fraud for working in “pseudo-science” but our business speaks for itself. We don’t advertise, all our clients are word of mouth. Proof of Work baby. I am in a fantastic relationship with a girl who I really don’t deserve but I see a future with her 100%. I got very lucky. She’s my world.

I have a business that can support me, my girl, and my bitcoin addiction. That’s my simple life. Hard work, but a simple life. I hope that you may find your “work”.

I think that bitcoin has taught me that I don’t actually want to retire. I want to provide for the people I care about. Don’t take advice. Make mistakes, and see what happens.

“If you assume that there is no hope, you guarantee that there will be no hope. If you assume that there is an instinct for freedom, that there are opportunities to change things, then there is a possibility that you can contribute to making a better world.” — Noam Chomsky