Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing so openly about yourself.

If I may illustrate what I think with a case study that is close to my heart, my younger brother and his wife have been married for at least five years. All this while, my sister-in-law has maintained that she doesn’t want kids. And it’s obvious because she looked visibly uncomfortable when she held my baby.

However, it seems that she has had a change of heart this year. So, they are trying for me now.

My point is:

I think you gotta resolve yourself to the fact that it may/will take time for your girlfriend to warm up to the idea of having kids. Years, in fact.

At the end of it all, if she really wants to be child-free, will you be fine with that? Or come to resent all these years lived without children?

——- When I decided to take the plunge and get married, someone said 结婚需要一股傻劲 (you need a bit of foolishness, even craziness, to want to get married). I agree how marriage is a leap of faith. What you seek for is strength and courage, so I think you are on the right track!

Be well!

I can't predict how your GF will react, but from personal experience my wife changed from "unsure" about family to "all in" once we got married.

I think, very naturally, that women need to feel you are fully invested in her and totally committed until that part of them opens up.

I think the other thing that helped change my wifes mind was that I was lucky enough to be earning enough so she could stay at home. I think the combo of us being married + her seeing that some level of financial security was possible was the difference for her.

I wish you the best of luck in finding the answers you are looking for.

beautiful, great words and great practice

This is a horrible way to start a relationship. It will not work if you feel this way. You need to be able to stand and lead on your own with or without your girlfriend/wife.

Do not argue with your wife/gf. If you are right state your truth and leave it at that and if you are wrong than change your statement/opinion. Either way don’t argue. It’s the fastest way to kill the polarity of the relationship.

Edit: Also it’s a pretty big red flag for me if a girl doesn’t want to have a kids/family.

I wish I could write to past self and tell him to invest in bitcoin young lol

Thank you for the thoughtful post. When I married my wife, we did a ceremony, had witnesses, but did no paperwork. To me, we should choose into our marriage everyday without a contract.

The family thing is tricky. But in my experience, there is nothing more fulfilling then raising a family.

A woman should have faith in her man's vision. And a man should have faith in his woman's intuition. Getting there is a process.

Leading with bravery is more a mans roll. Feeling fear and protective is more a woman's roll. Both are valuable at times. It is important for both to find a balance and trust each other. Its all a process.

Thats just my 2 sats. Thanks for the great post.

wow it's a rather complex, complicated situation. Love is often that thing that pushes you out of your comfort zone, so meditate and all that. What do you want to convey to your girlfriend that you now want to be your husband? Try to be as sincere as possible. Love is also understanding and supports everything. Again, I only ask that you do it very well and be calm. Love and life only come once.

Hold on to pure love, keep all your promises, and look forward to a bright future together, don't be afraid of losing in the competition.