If I don't have something nice to say... \ stacker news ~alter

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If I don't have something nice to say...

1071 sats \ 39 comments \ @DesertDave 27 Nov alter_native

I learn a lot about myself here on stacker. It is where I get most of my human interaction. I am quite used to having very different world views than most people around me. I believe I have a very unique perspective. And even though we are mostly bitcoiners here, there are still many different world views, which is great. I wouldn't want everyone to be like me. That would be a strange, messed up, world.

And yet, I still find my myself participating in discussions that I have no business engaging with. I find myself occasionally dropping in to drop a few words that I know are going to trigger other people. It's like I am looking for a fight. Why do I do this?

I think in some level, I just want connection whatever it looks like. Even when it feels bad. How strange is that? Do you ever chase a confrontation?

One of my biggest lessons in life is to stay silent more often. I am basically writing this to remind myself of this lesson. I only want to spread my love. I want to share about things that are close to my heart. I want to share my unique perspective, not try and get others to change theirs. This is my goal. Can anyone relate to this? Can we really ever convince anyone of anything? Or can we really only lead by example?

Thank you stackers for being my online community.

💚

-dotd

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122 sats \ 0 replies \ @TheMorningStar 28 Nov

Silence is the best and hardest meditation imo. If you can exercise it, you're gifted.

I try to do it but fail often. I can only be silent while listening verh very good music.

However I don't remember if I ever been confronted on SN.

52 sats \ 4 replies \ @Aardvark 27 Nov

I think I've gotten into one minor confrontation on SN since I've been here, but this is a pretty small community. I decided that I should just treat everyone here respectfully, even if they are a dick.

I don't always need to be part of the problem.

11 sats \ 3 replies \ @DesertDave OP 27 Nov

I always do my best to stay respectful. Sometimes my ego gets more involved and I keep engaging where I could just let it go.

11 sats \ 2 replies \ @Aardvark 27 Nov

I save my ego for reddit. Fuck those dudes. I can be nice here. 😁

11 sats \ 1 reply \ @DesertDave OP 27 Nov

Why even spend time there? Other than the fact that there is like 1000x the users and content. Maybe I need an outlet like that to go trolling. Lol

11 sats \ 0 replies \ @Aardvark 27 Nov

I do a little light trolling, and there's a couple sub's that I like, but I don't spend much time there anymore. It's not great for mental health.

110 sats \ 0 replies \ @crrdlx 27 Nov

One of my biggest lessons in life is to stay silent more often.

Amen to this. I really, really try to follow this, which is not too hard as I'm that way by nature. But, true story...

A few years ago I was at church, service ended, I'm in the grab a snack line. Beside me is a youngish woman I've know a long time. Her husband had worked at my worksite a few years before moving on. I hadn't seen either in quite some time. I broke my stay silent rule. "Hi, good to see ya. How's Tom?" I immediately knew I'd screwed up. She paused, flushed, said, "He's fine," then hurried off in tears. Her mother came up later and filled me in. Tom had done the classic run off with his secretary exactly that week. Left her and the two kids. Clearly it was a big step for her to return to church and try to move ahead without stupid people saying stupid things. I felt terrible.

Lesson learned for me: don't be rude and say nothing, but stop at "Nice to see you."

110 sats \ 2 replies \ @suraz 27 Nov

I can relate to this alot.

21 sats \ 1 reply \ @DesertDave OP 27 Nov

Thanks for reminding me yesterday. It was that discussion that inspired this post. I want to remember to stay in my lane and be productive.

11 sats \ 0 replies \ @suraz 27 Nov

Yes, I got that. That's the mindset to have. Sometimes we seek lot of connection even through disagreement, and it's hard to give up at any point. Leading by example is a great way to approach things. Like you said, staying in our lane, that matters.

11 sats \ 0 replies \ @realBitcoinDog 28 Nov

Speaks a lot to the compliment I gave you early on that you’re there if someone needs someone to listen :)

11 sats \ 0 replies \ @7e6e393a56 27 Nov

I think that many debates of ideas are lost when one party responds in a joking and ironic way, treating the other like a complete idiot. I know it's difficult to stay balanced with someone who thinks radically oppositely, but a reflection is in order at this moment: -- What made the person think that way? Family life, circle of friends or educational influence. I believe it is possible to convince someone, but it will depend a lot on the approach. Before finishing, silence is an excellent conflict mediator. Congratulations on the post👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

11 sats \ 0 replies \ @Bit_Alb 27 Nov

And even though we are mostly bitcoiners here, there are still many different world views, which is great. I wouldn't want everyone to be like me. That would be a strange, messed up, world.

You got it! It's boring if everyone thinks the same.

11 sats \ 5 replies \ @bief57 27 Nov

You just breathe and keep writing

0 sats \ 4 replies \ @DesertDave OP 27 Nov

That really is the key. I did a meditation this morning about this very thing. I am imagining an interaction I need to have that I feel uncomfortable about. And I imagine breathing slowly though it. Before reacting, I can pause and take a breath. 💚

11 sats \ 3 replies \ @bief57 27 Nov

I should do it too, sometimes, very often I respond without even thinking for 2 seconds and I end up saying reckless things, very reckless. I don't really know how to meditate, I get distracted in the process and think about anything. Did you have any uncomfortable episodes on SN this week?

0 sats \ 2 replies \ @DesertDave OP 28 Nov

Nothing big. Just a few times where I realized that I am sharing something that doesn't need to be shared. I am getting better. I am not great at meditating either. Bit sometimes in the morning I wake up early and stare at the ceiling and and think about things for extended period of times. Or when I am doing long drives on empty country roads, I feel like I get into kind of a meditative state.

22 sats \ 1 reply \ @bief57 28 Nov

I understand you, does that happen to you that you get lost in your thoughts at any moment, can you dissociate yourself even when washing dishes or walking? What is the definition of meditation really? I am in the clouds all the time, but I don't know if that counts as meditation.

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @DesertDave OP 28 Nov

I feel like I am in a meditative state quite often. My life is very quiet with a lot of space. And I am also in the clouds often. Not sure either if it is meditation.. but I do a lot of deep contemplation, and feel like I am out of my body. I really enjoy sun gazing and watching fires also. I think these are types of meditation. A focal point helps me disappear..

11 sats \ 0 replies \ @ogi099 27 Nov

Yes! We bitcoiners are small part of society, if you work in some office then most people are not interested in Bitcoin there in any way, regardless of age. And I think that its actually beautiful to be the only one around with this way of thinking - some still cant believe that you can "earn dollars" for this! :)

11 sats \ 0 replies \ @Msd0457890 27 Nov

Thank you for sharing your particular way of seeing life. It is true that there are many people who have different perspectives on life and may never agree. I think that when you want to convince someone of something, it is better to show it with actions than with words.

11 sats \ 1 reply \ @SimpleStacker 27 Nov

Hey @DesertDave! . . . . . . . . . I disagree

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @DesertDave OP 27 Nov

I feel like I am missing something between the lines here?

11 sats \ 1 reply \ @zapsammy 27 Nov

from physics perspective, silence is the moment of tension release. when the sound gets compressed, the potential energy of particles builds up, and upon rarefaction, the energy is released.

people need some space in order to process what was communicated.

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @DesertDave OP 27 Nov

Interesting way of looking at it. It's all about space.

11 sats \ 0 replies \ @Undisciplined 27 Nov

I find myself occasionally dropping in to drop a few words that I know are going to trigger other people. It's like I am looking for a fight. Why do I do this?

I usually stop myself, but I share the impulse.

11 sats \ 3 replies \ @john_doe 27 Nov

Instead of chasing confrontation I try to dodge triggering wordings or similar things. Even the dumbest things I just let it go, because I strongly believe that we are free to think and have different ideas. So my priority is freedom, and then every other thing becomes secondary to me. Based on that for example, during the corona virus story I was never wearing a mask but my best friend was (although he stopped afterwards, as I lead by example hahaha). And yet never had any friendship problem. If we respect each other I am pretty open to anything and don't say anything. So I quite relate to your post.

Peace!

21 sats \ 2 replies \ @DesertDave OP 27 Nov

I agree. I usually am careful which words I use. But I sometimes feel myself slipping. I will pop into something political or likewise and drop a hot take when deep down I know it probably isn't going to be helpful. Leading by example is the way for sure. That's harder on an online platform. No one on here really knows how I live or how I show up. I am learning though. Thanks for sharing.

11 sats \ 1 reply \ @john_doe 27 Nov

Political topics are quite divisive isn't it? Sometimes I see people pro-Ukraine or pro-Russia on Stacker News also, I just keep being pro-peace and that's it. And if people want to kill Russian, I am still ok with that. I would just advocate then to kill less, and if it works, then less minus one, until zero hahaha.

21 sats \ 0 replies \ @DesertDave OP 27 Nov

Totally. I pretty much have no idea what is going on with any of that. I don't pay NY attention. I believe in peace as well. And I don't think any of us really know what's going on so we are all arguing based on our own unique perception of it. It's all designed to divide us. So I am usually just pointing out that it isn't worth the attention. Focus on what is right in front of us and see where we can make a difference in our own communities. Keeping the faith for a new different world is challenging.

11 sats \ 1 reply \ @denlillaapan 27 Nov

It's like I am looking for a fight. Why do I do this? I think in some level, I just want connection whatever it looks like. Even when it feels bad. How strange is that? Do you ever chase a confrontation?

I mean, a little bit -- right? Shit-testing is a thing; challenging people to give the best version of this or that statement/argument is an important role.

Keep fighting

10 sats \ 0 replies \ @DesertDave OP 27 Nov

It is a fine line though. Sometimes maybe we can help someone see a new perspective. Sometimes it feels like fighting for the sake of fighting, Which quickly feels counter productive at times. I do like challenging people though.

11 sats \ 4 replies \ @Satosora 27 Nov

I dont feel it is bad to learn more about a subject, but dont be surprised if someone has more knowledge than you. As long as people are respectful, this community will thrive

10 sats \ 3 replies \ @DesertDave OP 27 Nov

I am not very knowledgeable so I know most people on here know more than I do for sure. I feel that my insights have little to do with knowledge. I do my best to stay humble.

11 sats \ 2 replies \ @Satosora 27 Nov

People that are able to elaborate and draw in discussion and conclusions are the people we want on SN. The more creative thinkers we have here, the more perspectives we will see. Its a win win for everyone.

10 sats \ 1 reply \ @DesertDave OP 27 Nov

I am much better at this in real life than online. Using only words to communicate is quite challenging. In person, people can feel me. And and as a result, I am far more effective at communicating.

11 sats \ 0 replies \ @Satosora 27 Nov

Real life communication is very important. This is just online. With practice, it will get easier. You will get lots since you own a territory.

11 sats \ 1 reply \ @0xbitcoiner 27 Nov

The line between good discussion and confrontation is very fine. Some quickly fall into confrontation, it's much easier online. I never try to convince anyone, people have to find their own way. We can help them find it, but never point it out.

11 sats \ 0 replies \ @DesertDave OP 27 Nov

I agree. I am still working on finding that line. And it is interesting how different it is online. I find it quite difficult to feel any sense of confrontation in person to be honest.