Control is an illusion I think. I used to think i was in control. now i surrender as much as possible and i feel like I gain control by letting go of it in a sense.
I really liked that phrase, it's more or less what I try to do when I have sleep paralysis, I try to realize that I'm just dreaming, breathe slowly and count to 3 to go back to sleep. My last paralysis was 3 days ago and I couldn't relax like I usually do, I guess it's the stress.
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Honestly, that experience can be a lot like DMT to me. And scarier in a way. Stress kills. My main goals in life in the last few years have been centered around letting go of stressful things and making myself feel safe.. Thats why I am offgrid in the desert with no neighbors.
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Stress is our main enemy for mental and physical health. What a brave decision to live in a desert. I understand the issue of neighbors, I live with unbearable neighbors very close by. I wouldn't dare to live so far away, but I would live in a place with enough space so that the neighbors are not a problem.
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Its taken a lot to get here. I moved 3 times in the last few years, and just ket getting more remote. Its not for most people. I feel like an alien around most people. I feel safe here.
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The important thing is that you feel good where you live. It is uncomfortable to be in a place that you do not like. Feeling peace is priceless. People talk a lot about happiness, but they do not usually talk about security, tranquility, serenity and peace.
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Yeah, happiness is temporary too. Like sadness. Its fleeting. i always love my life and how I live. Doesn't mean I am always happy. There is a big difference. I don't think we are supposed to be happy always. And most of us don't know what it means anyways. What I used to think would make me happy, never did, at least not sustainably.
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