I like the sentiment, if not the music of it.

Reminds me of a thing that psych research demonstrates that's quite counter-intuitive: wrt most things in life, you don't like something and then do it; rather, you start doing it, and in the course of doing it, grow to like it.

This matters a lot bc if you have the wrong model, you will wait around being perpetually dissatisfied, and you'll never get past the dissatisfaction because you'll be assessing the world, waiting for something to catch and inspire you (that's not it, that's not it, that's not it). And the things that will automatically catch and inspire you, with no effort on your part, are generally not things that can help advance you in the world. Like, it's cool that you like to fuck [2], but nobody is probably going to pay you for it; nor will they pay you to relax on the beach drinking drinks w/ umbrellas in them. [1]

The wrong model of the world can really lead you astray. This one, I think, is especially pernicious.

[1] And even if they did pay you to fuck or drink, you would likely come to find, very quickly, that you stop liking those things nearly as much as you did, and even fucking and drinking become just another job you have to do.

[2] EDIT: oops

I logged about 14,000 steps today and most of those were with a little kid on my shoulders. It was in service of making sure she got to see all the zoo animals that she wanted to.

The difference between it being a good day and a miserable one pretty much did just come down to my attitude about that physical exertion.

We should take care of what's necessary as a matter of kindness to ourselves and to others but I'm not sure we should love (or hate) those things. It's better to recognize that we won't always be able to (or have to) do those things.

I would say the key to living well is more about perception than action. Try as we might, we have very little control of the big picture. By maintaining an even attitude about all of it, we can conserve our energy for when the shit hits the fan.

I found this one really tough, and I have never heard it before. I also had trouble coming up with examples from personal experience. I thought of learning to ski-putting in the time, falling and humiliating yourself, then gaining ability and being able to rush down a mountain at high speed, but it's easy to love that sensation. When I was young I used to wash dishes in a restaurant. Boy did I hate that. As I got more adept at it, when the restaurant was crowded, I did sometimes enjoy the rhythm of the kitchen, and me loading and unloading the dishwasher through the steam, while occasionally washing a pot. I enjoyed the skill and smoothness of my rhythm. But then I would think I'm just a masochist.

That's an interesting quote. I have read that book twice. It seems to be expressing the idea that acceptance and embracing what is necessary in life is important for living well. Rather than resisting or being unhappy with unavoidable realities, we should strive to willfully accept them first, and then learn to love and appreciate the situation we have willingly accepted. It suggests cultivating a mindset of positivity, resilience and making the best of one's circumstances. I think there is wisdom in that perspective, while also recognizing that it is not always easy to achieve. Appreciating and loving that which is difficult or unwanted can be very challenging, but striving towards that kind of acceptance and mindset shift may help reduce unnecessary suffering. It's an intriguing viewpoint on how to approach life's inevitable difficulties and constraints.

As the teacher-in-charge of the Dance Club, I attended a talk co-delivered by 3 accomplished dancers, and one of them said, “enjoy the struggle”. Hardworking dancers may devote hundreds of hours into their craft, but they may not achieve fame and fortune, which are unfortunately still the markers of success in Singapore. So aspiring dancers must have a passion for dancing.

Her words struck a chord with me because I certainly don’t enjoy the struggle associated with parenting. I think in the whole I’m dealing better with it because I’m getting used to the extermination of my social life and personal freedom. But I don’t want to reframe my mind and condition myself to enjoy parenting. Not when the last time I had a decent night off was last May. Not when I cannot even choose what I want to eat on certain days because I must consider what my son prefers. I will do all this begrudgingly, but I refuse to love it.

I’m not sure exactly why. Maybe I don’t want to expend the cognitive and emotional energy involved in reframing parenting? Maybe I’m just stubborn.

But I’m fine! Putting aside my phone now to give my son a huge hug as I pick him up from the childcare centre (and another night of slogging till 11pm) 🤣

I agree to the first part that we must accept and do what is necessary, but don't totally agree on the second part. I must say that I can probably never love doing certain necessary things that I do/did in my life. The first of such thing that came to mind was cleaning feces, diarrhoea, vomit, or any other disgusting shit from my 3 kids when they were little. As much as I love my kids, I don't really see myself being able to love cleaning up their shit. But the shit needed to be cleaned, and I accept that it was part of what I signed up for when I decided to have children with my wife, so clean shit I do. Not out of the love of cleaning shit, but out of necessity. I'm glad they're all toilet trained, but vomit cleaning still come into play when they get sick...