By Carl Tuckerson,

Friends. Allies. Solar-powered thought leaders.

Today, I want to talk about liberation—not the easy kind, like quitting Amazon or unfollowing Elon Musk on X. I’m talking about radical liberation, the kind that involves keying a Tesla while whispering land acknowledgments under your breath.

I saw it happen. A sleek, smug, cyber-phallic Model Y parked diagonally in a bike lane, like it owned the ecosystem. And then—a hero arrived.

Not with violence. Not with anger. But with a purpose-driven glint in their eye and a freshly sharpened reusable spork.

With one long, sacred motion—scrrreeeeeetch—they inscribed the word “LAND BACK” into the hood like a decolonial haiku.

I wept. Gaia wept. The Tesla did not—we assume it doesn’t have feelings, unless Elon has figured that out yet.

And you may ask: “But isn’t that vandalism?”

To which I say: Is it vandalism, or is it performance art fueled by centuries of ecological betrayal and bad tweets?

Because let’s be honest:

Elon Musk didn’t build Teslas to save the Earth. He built them to escape it. So when a Tesla gets “accidentally liberated” with a rock shaped like Che Guevara’s jawline, we’re not witnessing destruction—we’re witnessing reclamation.

It’s not just a scratch.It’s a scar.And scars tell stories.

Stories of resistance.Of accountability.Of a world that deserves better parking etiquette.

So the next time you see a Tesla with a shattered window and a note that says “This is what unregulated extraction feels like,” don’t call the cops. Call a therapist—for the billionaire who made it possible.

Smash the system (gently).Scratch the surface (with intention).Save the planet (symbolically, in a parking lot, at 2 a.m.).

— Carl, ~ Banned From Burning Man for Too Much Radical Honesty