Parent's Corner - What makes a great father? \ stacker news ~alter

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Parent's Corner - What makes a great father?

438 sats \ 24 comments \ @DesertDave 7 Nov alter_native

I have been planning to be a father for as long as I remember. Not just any father. I was to be the best father ever, super "Dad". I didn't know what that meant of course, and it turns out, I am a human. Naturally... I learned plenty of lessons in parenting. And I always do the best I know with the information I have at any given time. Like all of us, I think 🤔. I have now been a father nearly half of my life. My kids are both of driving age. And they are my crowning achievement, my proudest creative expression, thus far. They are truly remarkable young adults, in my humble opinion. I believe both their mother and I have done an amazing job in respective rolls in shaping our children.

And yet, from many completely valid perspectives, I am easily described as a less than stellar father... a dead beat dad even. My ego wants to respond to these voices, and scream "zoom out, there is more to see here!" But... it doesn't seem to help. Obviously there are a lot of ways to see it all.

So I ask the stackers... In few and simple terms, what makes a great father in your view? Who gets to decide? Is there a universal definition of what makes a father? What are some other words for father in your own language? Is there a connection between GOD and father? What is your experience of a father? What sets the father's roll apart from others in a family dynamic?

I love to hear from you all

-d😯➕D

💚

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115 sats \ 3 replies \ @Undisciplined 7 Nov

I don't see there being a one-size-fits-all model for being a good father. Are you there for your kids when they need you? Do you prioritize their well-being?

If so, you're probably a good father.

106 sats \ 2 replies \ @DesertDave OP 7 Nov

Simple enough. I agree. The tricky part is, different people can see their well being completely differently. So how might a father know whether they did the best thing? If he feels he did the best thing, and others tell him he did not?

17 sats \ 1 reply \ @Undisciplined 7 Nov

how might a father know whether they did the best thing?

We probably don't get to know that. I'd say it's worth listening to critics and thinking about whether there's substance to what they said.

I'd also say that you know whether you made an effort to understand your kids as individuals and you know whether you were attempting to help them flourish.

Someone else would have parented differently, but that doesn't mean one approach is better than the other.

7 sats \ 0 replies \ @DesertDave OP 7 Nov

Great answer. Makes sense to me. 🙏

110 sats \ 1 reply \ @cryotosensei 7 Nov

I think if your children still want to be associated with you after they grow up, you are a great dad. When they have absorbed the values you teach them and use them as the North Star in their lives. When other people praise your children, “Your family has brought you up well”

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @DesertDave OP 7 Nov

I agree. Well said.

110 sats \ 1 reply \ @joda 7 Nov

Besides what's already mentioned, one of the most difficult but consequential things parents must do is moderate their children's friend groups, especially in adolescence. It's a very quick path to drug and alcohol addiction, and it only takes one friend in the group to set everyone up for horrific outcomes. If you can raise a child to be strong and independent, that can go a long way, but peer pressure is basically the whole driving force of adolescence.

Whatever you do, don't repress. EDUCATE your kids about drugs and sex. EARLY. They should know EVERYTHING there is to know BEFORE their friends start making shit up or pressuring them to try something.

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @DesertDave OP 7 Nov

I agree it is super important to have open conversations about these types topics with our kids early on. Don't let their peers be the teachers. The better educated they are, the better decisions they will make. And being a friend instead of a dictator has helped me communicate more openly with my kids.

110 sats \ 1 reply \ @398ja 7 Nov

A great father always does what is benefiting his child. (Easier said than done.)

Find the right mom, love them, hug them, spend time with them, and ask for forgiveness when you come short of your standards, they'll appreciate and trust you more.

Don't hit them.

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @DesertDave OP 7 Nov

I agree with all that. Being humble and cultivating trust is very important. Sometimes, I think parents keep too many secrets and lie to their kids to "protect" them, and do more harm than good. I agree hitting is never necessary.

110 sats \ 2 replies \ @grayruby 7 Nov

Hard to say. I think we all figure it out as we go.

Best I can guess is leading by example. Being compassionate and understanding but also challenging your kids to be the best they can be. Especially when it comes to character and habits.

40 sats \ 1 reply \ @DesertDave OP 7 Nov

I agree that these qualities are important to being a father. I feel as a father, there is at times a tricky balance between keeping the kids safe and pushing a little as well. Fathers usually take the training wheels off.

11 sats \ 0 replies \ @grayruby 7 Nov

Agreed. I think you have to be super protective to keep them safe from catastrophic outcomes but let them push the limits a little if the consequences of failing aren’t dire.

110 sats \ 3 replies \ @oliverweiss 7 Nov

I don’t really know what makes a great father, my ambition is to make my children happy as much as possible and hope they will talk to each other and talk to me as they grow up. If yes, then perhaps I could say I was not a bad father. Not too much ambitious but a bare minimum 🙂

30 sats \ 2 replies \ @DesertDave OP 7 Nov

I think having them enjoy talking with you as an adult is big deal. Many parents I have seen aren't really friends with their grown kids. They tolerate each other but they aren't very open.

11 sats \ 1 reply \ @oliverweiss 7 Nov

Often even don’t tolerate, unfortunately.

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @DesertDave OP 7 Nov

Very true. It is sad..I imagine it's gotten worse in a lot of ways..

110 sats \ 3 replies \ @nym 7 Nov

I think just being present when available may be one of the biggest. You can figure and work everything else out, as long as you are there.

5 sats \ 2 replies \ @DesertDave OP 7 Nov

I agree. What about physical vs. emotional presence?

110 sats \ 1 reply \ @nym 7 Nov

That's a good question. They are both probably almost equally important. There is always a delicate balance. Everyone needs time to themselves also.

3 sats \ 0 replies \ @DesertDave OP 7 Nov

It does feel like a mother may be naturally the more emotionally connected parent. Although I see that balance work out a lot of different ways.

11 sats \ 1 reply \ @Satoshi__Nakamoto 7 Nov

Yeah bro you are good father keep going

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @DesertDave OP 7 Nov

Thank you. I definitely posted this partially to give me support through a rough situation.

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @IamSINGLE 8 Nov

My father has always been there for me. He isn't a promise man but he never try to come accross my wishes. He gives me independence for what I want with my life. When I was a kid, he used to teach me a lot about the world. He never lets me feel lonely and supports like an angel.