1:33am while I type this.
At least I’m rested, but that’s at a cost too. It was Saturday yesterday, and I “slept in” until 1pm when our friends brought us tacos for lunch and we watched college football. I woke up to the smell of tacos! So what’s so hard about that?
Well I was up yesterday at midnight. Again at 3am. Then 6am to feed the baby. But by the time baby is back asleep at 7am, that’s when my toddler wakes up. So might as well have mom keep sleeping so I make toddler breakfast and entertain her with quiet activities until the newborn wakes up at 9am again, and then for sure mom will hear those cries and wake up.
What’s the way to make it work? For me and my wife, (mom and dad) to support each other as a team? She lets me go back to bed as she has the two kids!
But what did it cost? It meant I wasn’t able to help tidy up the house to make it look nice for when our friends came over and see our newborn for the first time. Is she understanding of that? Of course. Is she grateful that I took all the night shifts? Yes.
But when did we spend time together? Of course we were up together with our friends, having a blast cheering on our Alma Mater. But where was the time, for us?
Oh yea. That came at 10pm. After both our toddler was put to bed and our newborn son. But we better have spent that “golden hour” reconnecting for our relationship and not on individual “me time.”
So yea, that’s why it’s hard, even in a loving and supportive marriage! I’ve been told to re-define what I think of as my “me time”- time I spend reading my daughter goodnight stories, or watching The Penguin as I feed my son
You're doing a good job as a father. Keep it up. For 'me time', I'd suggest you to make short times more frequent. Haha
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This is how I’ve made my posts to SN!
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You got three kids? I'm feeling for you. It must be very hard to find quality time in such a scenario. It must also be hard to balance work and life.
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No a two year old daughter and a newborn boy.
I wanted three but now I’m like, idk!
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100 sats \ 1 reply \ @gnilma 4 Nov
It's great that you and your wife are working together and supporting each other. Think of it as your trial for great things to come, and the continuous rewards of love and happiness are all worth it.
We had our first 2 children very close together, just 1 year and 3 months apart. Then we had our little one 6 years after our second child. Each child is uniquely difficult in their own way and caused their fair share of lack of sleep when they were babies. Now the two older kids are 13 and 12, and even our little one is 6. Not having enough sleep for days and weeks definitely sucks, but it comes and goes without you even realizing. It might seem like an eternity while living in it, but when I look back to those days, I definitely miss the feeling of holding that little delicate baby in my arm while feeding them and having them lean on my body while I brush/tap their backs to try to burp them. Hang in there man, before you know it, they've grown taller than your wife and are on their way to be taller than you.
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I’m ready to be asked in a deep voice, “Dad can I borrow the car?” 🤣
Thanks for the words of encouragement! This second go around of paternity leave in definitely enjoying just staring into his eyes more. It’s amazing to have his full attention!
He will be crawling before I know it! But yes it does feel like a lifetime in the meantime! Thanks for your support!
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I just had for the first time in a while focused time with the wife in less than ideal conditions. Over the phone, after my son fell asleep in his hospital bed and I'm doing this night's shift while my wife is at home. Other days last week when i could have spent time with her while both at home after kid's bedtime, i didn't realise the luxury of being able to do so. I worked on a paper and updated my daily puzzle. Me-time should not trump us-time. Really need to set my priorities. Still, tonight was nice, even though it was over the phone.
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Hey having patience with those gentle reminders is a big deal!
I’m sure your paper is an important one! Your daily puzzle is part of your identity!
But you’re right. How much does it really matter?
Quality time with her in person is a luxury. Thanks for sharing!
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So much work. And so rewarding. Sounds like you two are working together well.
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Thanks for your support Dave!
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I think that's a good perspective. Me time is we time doing things you enjoy along with your wife and kids but I do think it is still good to block a bit of time when possible to do something for yourself, even if it is just going out for a walk.
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Or recording a 30 minute (90 minute) podcast with @Undisciplined! 🤣
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Shooting the shit about sports is always fun.
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This is exactly why I have come to relish shitposting at the toilet. But nope, it’s not me time for long. My son or daughter will come barging in and demand for attention 😅
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They will find you.
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Both of them are literally sleeping soundly right now. My favourite part of the day haha
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This is why I am of the opinion that we need to get back to spending more time living with our extended families. Fortunately or unfortunately, many are getting back to that even now because of the increased cost of living in many places. My wife and I are trying to sell our house to move in with my in-laws. I'm very much looking forward to it.
Not only would we get a chance to go on dates more often, my in-laws will be able to spend more time with their granddaughter. We will all have a decrease in costs. We will do more things as families. We could even build a compound (which I've recently started planning).
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It’s very fortunate to have such a great relationship with your in-laws!
Ironic that living with more people in the house actually gets you more me-time!
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10 sats \ 2 replies \ @OT 3 Nov
It is hard
I miss the old days sometimes
But it's worth it!
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Haha!! Well tell me what you miss about the old days. I could use it to help pull through!
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10 sats \ 0 replies \ @OT 3 Nov
I had a life!
I'll get part of it back when the kids are older.
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Uninterrupted me-time might largely be a thing of the past, but you'll learn how to fit stuff in around watching your kids and spending time with the wife: a few minutes here and there can still add up over the day (especially if you don't get to sleep).
I remember, shortly after our daughter was born, telling a friend of mine that it took me several hours to get through a ten minute YouTube video.
We got really lucky with a baby that slept clear through the night from very early on.
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Very lucky!
Yes that’s me recording my 10 min podcasts while commuting to daycare, then using the Whisper app to transcribe them into SN posts. Whatever works!
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