I didn't have a particular "objective" set today in terms of asking a - specific - girl out, but since I'm pushing myself to take charge whenever an opportunity arises, I still had some action today.
The day started like any other day: I woke up, got ready to go to the gym, and off I went.
I've entered the gym, thinking about what I'd start with because, well, the Smith machine was already in use- as always.
I entered the changing room to store my backpack, and lo-and-behold: The redhead I had a crush on a year ago was back! (Albeit as part of the housekeeping, but still).
My heart jumped a little, but I wasn't quite sure if it really was her, and thus, I initially went ahead with some abs-exercises, during which I managed to get a closer look and confirm my suspicion: it indeed was her!
I got up and went off to approach her, but, as fortune would have it, she made a sharp turn for the toilet, after which a few awkward minutes of me stumbling around the locker room ensued.
Once she got out, I got up from the bench and walked up to her, reached out my hand and said "Hey, I'm Fabian" followed by her greeting me and telling me her name.
I was nervous as hell because it's a) a place I often visit, b) someone from staff so if it backfires it might get awkward and c) it had gotten pretty crowded at the locker room- in other words: perfect conditions for a bloody starter to ask a girl out, not.
Nevertheless, I managed to get my intention of getting to know her accross somehow, to which she kinda responded kinda evasive (correct word? I don't know.)
We settled on exchanging phone numbers, after which I told her I'd message her later, shaked her hand and said, awesome, 'till later! And off I went, happy as hell to be over that hot-mess I made 😆
I went on with my workout, after which I messaged her, only to be greeted by: "Hii, I didn't wanna tell you earlier because there were people around and didn't wanna make it uncomfortable for you, but I already have my eyes on someone else, sorry".
Of course, little Fabs was a little hurt- who wouldn't be, right?!
I told her that I already thought that there was something in the bush, and that although it's a bummer, I understood why she did what she did, but also told her that being upfront is always the best way to react.
- Rough translations.
"Alright", I thought, "that's that."
I felt like I needed to give the whole thing a place, and went for a walk where I introspected on the whole situation, her motivation and my reaction to it, and along the way came to the conclusion that landing a date with a girl currently isn't the goal at all, but to take charge whenever an opportunity arises, to bite some bullets and show myself that I indeed have the balls to do it, albeit uncomfortable at times.
Of course, it kinda sucked, but I now know that it isn't about getting a date asap, but to learn to navigate the emotions that come with it, grow my courage and better "sell" myself in the moment of asking out a girl, and thus, that's going to be the new goal for the short-term!
Anyways, feels good to write it down somewhere, and off to the next chance!
- Soon-To-Be-Suave Fabs, out!
PS: Both times after I've tried asking out a girl, I instantly "forgot" what I said and how I reacted, only to be left with a vague "memory" of what happened and the result I got...
Why is that? What is that?
Also, what about the handshakes? Cool? Not cool? 😆
No handshakes.
Tell me more, sensei.
I think @grayruby's no handshake advice is solid. This post is bringing back anxiety filled memories for me. I was terrible. You're already smoother than I was. I would have liked to give the Seinfeld Opposite George technique a try. Maybe you can if you hit a cold spell:
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0697744/
We don't unnecessarily edge people around here, Siggl, dig deep and tell us your "best" memory! 🤭😁
And what's the ELI5 of the link? I'm not too keen on watching the episode.
Basically just doing the opposite of whatever your instincts tell you. As far as I go, I can honestly say that none of my planned pick ups worked out well. The only successful ones were when it kind of happened naturally, and I didn't need to go out on a limb. There was obvious mutual interest.
Yeah, hm, it's difficult ain't it.
In my younger years I was a big flirt. I used to actually do pretty well meeting women. I just wasn't very good at keeping women because I was so focused on my life.
Ah, a player @grayruby's past houses a little playboy, huh?🤭
I think it's more difficult for your generation. I think in today's world it's hard to draw the line between coming across as assertive while avoiding looking like a stalking creep.
Well, that, and girls are literally courtes to 24/7 via "socials", making it increasingly hard for someone to make a catch "offline".
Ha. You will have to talk to @cryotosensei if you want a true sensei. I just think handshaking women unless it is a business setting is kind of lame.
Yeah, well, I don't know any better. 😅
How'd you do it? Simply shout your name and hope she responds in-kind?
You just say "excuse me. Hi, I wanted to introduce myself. My name is Fabs". When she responds with her name you can say "nice to meet you (insert name)" and just nod and smile.
But what do you do with your hands? That seems to be the source of confusion.
Hey! This right here!
Proud though I may be, I'm still going to rib you a little bit.
Hm, and when you're, for example, already "seen" and a sorry would be out-of-place?
I like a small wave, a smile and hi when you are already seen.
That's pretty much my plan for the club this weekend: Stand at a table and be on the lookout like a hawk until I catch a girl's looks, then smile and wave, and as soon as she responds positively to me (i.e does the same) I walk up to her and ask her what she's up to for the night, after which I'll try and see if she wants to go to a quieter place, get something to drink and hopefully have endless conversations!
https://i.giphy.com/W9lzJDwciz6bS.webp
Boo-ya!
Proud of you. Keep after it and the results will come.
Man I'm getting stoked for upcoming Friday!
Adrenaline. Also our first experiences of something are hard to remember because we are vaguely monitoring how we feel because we don't know which details are variable and important yet. If you imagine the first time you had ice cream, you probably at most remembered that it was sweet and cold and you liked it. With more ice cream tastings you develop preferences and opinions, largely constructed by contrasting a lot of past experiences with each other. That's my sense at least.
Hm...
Hell yeah
she could still get disappointed by whoever is her current target. you keep on developing yourself into an irresistible man, and talking to interesting people. maintain high standards for yourself and others. good encounter.
Well, I mean, I may have unwantedly dodged a bullet 'cause she's the type you wouldn't be surprised to have a kid at 23 with a daddy on the run.
a magician who is immune to evil spells and has plenty of will, can fix the darkest sorcerers of this world. #thatescalatedquickly
I laughed out loud as soon as I typed that 🥲
As in: you can fix a baddie? Hm, I don't think you can fix them enough.
"i guess what I'm trying to say is, if i can change, and you can change, everybody can change." ~ rocky balboa
Hm... If only things were that easy... 😉