69 sats \ 14 replies \ @Natalia 19 May freebie \ parent \ on: Arguments for not having kids? culture
well said! Unfortunately, most parents in the East think that it's your responsibility to take care of them when they are old, not that I mind, but it felt like an invisible cage somehow, and that would be the last thing I would do to my future kid - kids should be free to live the life they want, parents are meant be there to support and guide.
and this is part of the reasons why I enjoy being around SN, getting to learn from each other:)!
Somehow, I simultaneously agree with you both and also think kids should take care of their parents later.
I think that’s because I don’t think this is an acceptable reason for having kids and I think you have to earn that by being a good parent.
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That is definitely a BAD reason to have kids, so selfish, then as kids, you should look after your parents when they are getting old for sure, but out of love not forced.
I quite like parenting in Turkey, kids and parents are like friends, always talking and spending time with each other; while it's more authoritarian in Asia, kids generally don't want to share much with their parents; I also like how much freedom kids in the west enjoy but then a bit distant somehow and less supporting.
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I’ve had quite a few Chinese friends and what they describe is definitely not my vision of parenthood.
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I totally agree, that should not be an obligation. The craziest thing I found out recently is that in the country I am in, it is MANDATORY to pay pension to your parents and if you don't they can sue you. Imagine having suffered parental abandonment and then having to take care of that human being, it is a horror
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In Latin America they also have that same disastrous thought, mostly from previous generations, at this time there is a lot of information and studies in child psychology and I am happy that a large number of parents of new generations are informing themselves and preparing to parent from love and respect and us from fear and coercion. On this side of the world, if you don't hit and yell at your children, the older generations call you bad parents, but they don't know that discipline can be applied with respect, and they don't understand that not hitting doesn't mean that the child will be a tyrant. impolite. You can explain it to them in a thousand ways but there is no way for them to understand and then they say a phrase that I hate "they hit me and I'm fine" "they broke a broomstick in my back and I'm fine, I'm a professional" and Then you realize that they have traumas, they need therapy, they are people who cannot communicate assertively and only know screams and violence is the only way to resolve situations. This paternity thing is very extensive topics. I am not the perfect mother, I have made mistakes many times but I am aware that I try to break patterns and give the best to my daughter, when my parents made me feel bad in some way I never let them know out of fear, but instead My daughter stands in front of me and with her firm, upset and sad voice she is able to tell me when I gave her unfair treatment and this is because she knows that I will love her without conditions and I apologize to her when she acted wrong, many times. I have gone crazy and I have raised my voice at her and said things that have been hurtful to her. Many of us learned to ask for forgiveness from our children, because they also deserve respect and I always tell my daughter your voice is important and I will support you in whatever you want to do. There is a phrase that I always tell him is: "You can be and do whatever you want, as long as that is not hurting someone or yourself." I like SN for the same reasons, speaking with respect, debating, learning new opinions and valuable information; Quite the opposite of Facebook, Instagram and those types of networks.
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Latin
this is true and correct.
But also, we don't have good, first-person experienced examples of proper parenting near us. We do have them, but they are in the bible.
Example: my dads was deadbeat (and now that I am an adult, he is a better now due to investing and hard work), mom is mean and cold.
My mom admitted that she was a bad parent, and it's because her dad was as well.
It's really a confluence of everything: fiat food, fiat saving, fiat jobs, fiat everything.
But I have a belief in the future because of my faith. Let other people have kids.
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Everything becomes a chain of bad examples and habits, which is why it becomes very difficult for the person who wants to change the self-destructive pattern. It is difficult to play the role of father or mother when you did not have a good example of it, this is a delicate situation, there are all types of people, with thousands of different stories, are there parents who do not love their children? Yes, of course, there are parents who love their children but don't know how to show it? Yes too. I am glad that your mother recognizes her setbacks, accepting it is a big step, I hope you are well with her.
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"they hit me and I'm fine"
This really bothers me too, but I try to remind myself that it's probably a coping mechanism. Most of us love our parents and it would be really hard to reconcile that with believing that they were abusive.
Once again, I applaud the heroic choices you've made.