there are times when I have sensed that some problematic interaction could succeed in a non-public way; but I wasn't willing to 'retreat'.
So you mean you felt like you were wrong but didn't want to show it since people depended on you being right against the person you were arguing interacting with?
In other words, I'm playing my own game. It's just a different game.
Also good point. A lot of people play games but don't even know which game or what the goals, rules, opportunity costs etc. are
I think actually we are all playing some game and only when we're about to see the end screen we realize what game we played and which game we wished we would have played.
Kind of want to ask you now which game you are playing 👀
So you mean you felt like you were wrong but didn't want to show it since people depended on you being right against the person you were arguing with?
That would be the best case, because then it's clear that there is an audience that I'm putting on a show for. More often, it's some idea of myself that I'm holding onto, a role I want to have. A harsher and bitterer audience to contend with.
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Oof yes, that's the hardest pill to swallow, I guess. To know deep down that you shouldn't be like this but you want to be for some reason. So essentially, you don't want to want to be that person.
Reminds me of that line in a very old song:
I would like to want to go to the cinema with you, but I don't.
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