Found out my wife has cancer diagnosis (Part #2) \ stacker news ~BooksAndArticles

pull down to refresh

Found out my wife has cancer diagnosis (Part #2)

6270 sats \ 20 comments \ @hodlpleb 22 Feb BooksAndArticles

This is a follow-up on my original post, Found out my wife has cancer

We are more than a week since the diagnosis. After a few days of denial and general fear, we started getting some data, consuming information (some good and some bad), and having appointments. After initial meetings with surgeon and oncologist, we at least have a general timeline and an overall hope that this is contained and treatable.

We have never been big medicators and this lends to us being more concerned about chemo than we are about surgery. She will be doing vitamin C infusions and taking several homeopathic supplements to help reduce the side effects, and to help her recover afterwards, but there is a lot of fear around the process. This plan will continue to develop...

Add in the onslaught of people who want to help, offer ideas, opinions, etc, and it is a lot to manage, all on top of normal life. My work has been great about it, but my general experience of adulthood has been "I do not have enough time to do it all", and this is exasterbating that experience.

Probably the biggest moment-to-moment obstacle right now is managing the kids. They are spending more time with their grandparents as we go to appointments, and we are doing everything we can to be available to them and be with their feelings. They are a bit scared, and that shows up in different ways - we are trying to be open with them, to let them know what is going on, without totally freaking them out, in a way that kids understand. Trying to let them express themselves - and we've had a few late nights, which results in me not getting enough sleep, which leads to a hard day the next morning.

I was doing better for a few days, but now am spiraling a bit. I thought we had a pseudo-plan and felt okay about it, but then I realized that my wife is actually still very nervous and worried.

The fear in the back of my head is not that she will die this year or next year, but rather that we enter into a painful cycle that sees her health slowly decline over the next decade(s) ...

My commitment is that our children know her as a strong woman who was sick, fought through it, and became strong again.

view all related items

0 replies \ @hodlpleb OP 23 Feb

Been in a good bit of personal suffering over the last few days, the stress of normal work schedule, normal life, and now the needs and constraints that are coming along with this diagnosis - I felt good about the situation at the end of last week, then have started to spiral about what might happen in the future.

I will post updates here as the feeling arises. Really appreciate all your support.

83 sats \ 3 replies \ @030e0dca83 22 Feb

Please, don't waste your money on homeopathic

I wish your wife all the best. Stay strong

21 sats \ 2 replies \ @Enemy_of_the_state 22 Feb

Yeah I think the term homeopathy gets misused a lot. I’m pretty sure he meant naturalpathic treatment like diet, vitamins, not snake oil homeopathy.

I see non-pharmaceuticals and homeopathic conflated a lot, even by MDs. Homeopathic “drugs” are molecularly just placebos. The concentration of the “active ingredient” is so low, that there is mathematically not a single molecule of it in a dose. Non-pharma stuff like vitamins and a healthy diet are different.

42 sats \ 0 replies \ @030e0dca83 22 Feb

That's why I wrote my comment. I have no words to people who sell the most expensive sugar (read homeopathic) to people in troubles

21 sats \ 0 replies \ @hodlpleb OP 22 Feb

Yes I must have misused the word - we're looking at vitamins, etc, to support her system during this time.

We already had someone offer a product that will "cure cancer", we are not taking these things seriously.

42 sats \ 0 replies \ @Undisciplined 22 Feb

My commitment is that our children know her as a strong woman who was sick, fought through it, and became strong again.

That resonated with me. My dad got really sick when I was a kid and went through a bunch of difficult medical treatments.

There was a stretch of several years where he was only intermittently himself. That's how I remember it though: he went from being a great man, through being sick, and back to being great. I'm sure it will be the same for your kids.

31 sats \ 2 replies \ @Enemy_of_the_state 22 Feb

Thanks for the update.

When life feels overwhelming, the Lord will provide.

10 sats \ 1 reply \ @hodlpleb OP 22 Feb

Definitely finding that I need to take care of myself in all this. Running myself ragged is not going to help anyone. Been sticking to my exercise schedule, but need to carve out some quiet time for myself, and really have to get to bed on time.

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @Enemy_of_the_state 22 Feb

Yes sleep is going to help, try and get some more!

42 sats \ 0 replies \ @fm 22 Feb

My commitment is that our children know her as a strong woman who was sick, fought through it, and became strong again.

Godspeed

vitamin C infusions and taking several homeopathic supplements

Mind over matter, if she truly believes, it helps.

Cant stress this enough, THC helps, Not a miracle, but results are positive.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7409346/

Also helps with chemo.

Stay strong

22 sats \ 0 replies \ @398ja 22 Feb

I hate to sound like the random guy on the Internet giving advice on something they have no expertise and experience with, but I just wanted to humbly suggest you should conquer that fear.

All the best to your wife and family.

21 sats \ 0 replies \ @grayruby 22 Feb

One foot in front of the other my friend. One foot in front of the other.

Keep posting on SN if that's the outlet that works for you.

Eat properly, sleep as best as you can, get exercise, take some time to focus on your mental state as well. Make yourself as physically and mentally resilient as you can be so you can be the best you can be for your wife and kids.

You guys will get through this.

21 sats \ 0 replies \ @Enemy_of_the_state 22 Feb

"...the only way humans have ever figured out of getting somewhere is to leave something behind." -TARS , Interstellar

You won’t be the same. Your wife won’t and your kids won’t. Every other biggest challenge you faced, at the time, felt like the floor dropped out. You met it and were strengthened by it. You became a better man because of those sacrifices you made and the impossible challenges you faced.

We are only made better by sacrifice. There is no joy, triumph, or anything new, without sacrificing something else. Whether it’s Newtons 3rd law or thermodynamics.

Jesus knew his teachings could live forever, but that it also required a proportional sacrifice.

21 sats \ 0 replies \ @cryotosensei 23 Feb

Thank you for vocalising your fear on a public forum. Having it written down makes it more real and scary - and kudos to you for pushing through your reservations to do that

I think sleep deprivation will unfortunately be the new norm until the treatment and your feelings get a chance to settle down for a bit. It’s great that you have identified your coping mechanisms - going to the gym and journaling here. Lean on them to get extra boosts of energy to last you through the next hour.

I used to think that it’s helpful to frame things in terms of days, so “let’s take it one day at a time”. However, I had a friend who was going through a terrible breakup. Her method was to get through to the next hour. Having that pin-point focus 📍 may help you?

It also means that you can’t do it all at this stage of your life. I mean, you can accomplish everything, just not at the same time. All in good time, mate. I personally identify the one thing I have to accomplish that day and go all out to conquer it. It’s a good day if I can squeeze in 2-3 smaller tasks. Be less ambitious. Prioritise sleep over keeping the household clean.

Stay strong.

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @billiam 29 Feb

Don't fall for the homeopathic nonsense.

0 sats \ 2 replies \ @Malachi17 22 Feb

It sounds like the focus here is how to live well enough in whatever time there is remaining. While cures are possible in some cases, it sounds like the focus, at least as presented, is more how she is gong to die. (The fear aspect) What I do know is that in order to bring about the best possible chance of recovery, the fear aspect has to be confronted. Anyone can, hypothetically, die in a given moment. There is nothing different in a cancer diagnoses in this other than a specific kind of death suddenly seems more likely.

10 sats \ 1 reply \ @hodlpleb OP 22 Feb

I think we are overall upbeat and planning to get through this within the year - but there is a cloud in the background, wondering if the recovery will be sustained.

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @Malachi17 22 Feb

Strictly speaking, the recovery doesn't matter. When I say that, what I mean to say is that one must focus on the time that is NOW. Whatever happens in the future happens in the future.

0 sats \ 1 reply \ @Bell_curve 22 Feb

Your kids will be resident

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @Bell_curve 31 Aug

Resilient typo