You asked very existential questions, which reminded me of the person I was before I turned 30 haha. I’m not sure if you are asking rhetorical questions or actively seeking for answers.

But I guess one thing I really realised when I turned 40s is that I am not as tolerant of bullshit as the younger, more obliging and easygoing me was. So I would say no to my colleagues directly if I found their requests ridiculous, work harmony be darned. But I think it’s a necessary evolution because I needed to protect the things that matter to me most

As a rule of thumb, you can only do 1 or 2 things well. Some people are exceptional: they can do 3. I’m not exceptional.

I learned this, as many do, when I had my first child. I had been a bit nervous about becoming a father. Having failed to achieve what I had expected I would, I thought strapping a child to my chest meant setting myself up for permanent failure. It did not. When Maud ate about half my time, I had to force myself to make priorities: I would care for her, I would write, and I would say no to everything else.

Narrowing my life like this, at least doubled how much I could achieve. When I had more time, I had spread myself too thin to get stuff done.

This is something I now notice whenever I read biographies of people who have done exceptional work: they lived narrow lives. They allowed themselves to care about less than others do. To take two quotes at random, here is Jony Ives who designed the iPhone:

One of the things Steve [Jobs] would say [to me] because he was worried I wasn’t focused — he would say, “How many things have you said no to?” I would tell him I said no to this. And I said no to that. But he knew I wasn’t interested in doing those things. There was no sacrifice in saying no [to those things]. What focus means is saying no to something that with every bone in your body you think is a phenomenal idea, you wake up thinking about it, but you say no to it because you are focusing on something else.”