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1462 sats \ 7 replies \ @elvismercury 23 Jan \ on: Zap to Zero D-3 | Crossroads mostly_harmless
I was just tonight thinking about the psychological instinct -- or bundle of instincts and processes, a suppose -- that gets us to like people who are quite like us. In sociology this is called homophily and I suspect, based on what I know of you, that you may enjoy learning about it.
But the context I was thinking about tonight was kind of orthogonal to that -- the way that some people fill holes of ours, make us more complete by being unlike us. It is so ... powerful to find someone like that. Feels almost religious. That might be another thing you might enjoy reading about.
Anyway, great post as ever. I'll miss them when they're gone.
the way that some people fill holes of ours, make us more complete by being unlike us
I think that is the secret to great interpersonal relationships....husband/wife type of thing...
You need to find someone who's differences are complimentary, not clashing. But there needs to be real differences, and you should try to learn from their strengths and vice-versa. The things they are good at you should try to take tips from them on...
The biggest mistake young people make in finding a mate, is to look for someone "just like me". We do that because its comfortable. We understand what makes that person tick and we understand their world-view. That makes it easier to start the relationship, but long-term is not as healthy.
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That’s really great advice. My MBTI profile is ENFP. While my wife has never taken the MBTI test before, I am willing to wager that hers is ISTJ - the exact opposite of mine.
But even when your personalities are contrasting, you must have similar values towards the bigger things like life, like money management, conflict resolution, how you want to raise your kids etc. My wife and I have never argued about money!
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I was just tonight thinking about the psychological instinct -- or bundle of instincts and processes, a suppose -- that gets us to like people who are quite like us
Yeah, I think if we can relate to each other (which is the same as being like each other I guess), it makes us feel more human. At least there's another being that we consider to be a human who shares our experience or interests. So that makes two, right? At least that's how I would describe that feeling I get when I meet someone and I can see myself in them:
So it's true. I am indeed also one of these pesky humans.
But I also just like the etymology a lot—even though I didn't dig much into it yet. So much interests, so little time. I am sure you can relate :)
But I think it's definitely no coincidence that we use like for both things.
I like you.
For me, this sounds so much like a primitive human telling another human that they are also human. As if that wasn't obvious.
In sociology this is called homophily and I suspect, based on what I know of you, that you may enjoy learning about it.
Yep, another bookmark right there :)
But the context I was thinking about tonight was kind of orthogonal to that -- the way that some people fill holes of ours, make us more complete by being unlike us. It is so ... powerful to find someone like that. Feels almost religious. That might be another thing you might enjoy reading about.
My German teacher (as in the language—he was also German though) always said that opposites attract each other (in German).
I think he and you have a point. I think similarities attract us initially but differences makes the connection last. It gets kind of boring if you find out that this other person is indeed just like you. Like a copy.
My ex-girlfriend and me definitely had our disagreements but initially, we liked talking about them. We learned so much from each other since as mentioned, we realized we're not only similar in some aspects, we're also different in other aspects in a more personal and thus interesting way.
The relationship fell apart when we realized we don't like to talk about these differences anymore and kept things to ourselves. We both started to just assume (for good reasons) that we would already know what the other would say.
No need to discuss these things anymore.
And I think that reasoning spread to too many other things over time. Like a contagious virus.
Anyway, great post as ever. I'll miss them when they're gone.
Thanks and trust me, you're not going to miss them :)
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Have you come across “The Lover’s Dictionary” before? I think you would enjoy reading this. Coupled with your former relationship, your writing style for this post reminds me of it.
My review:
<The Lover’s Dictionary>
The school year is winding down, which frees up the mental space required to fully appreciate books like “The Lover’s Dictionary”.
But it isn’t that David Levithan has written something dense and complicated. He executes an innovative idea awesomely - map out the trajectory of a relationship from the male’s perspective in the form of dictionary entries. Each entry begins with a word and proceeds with several sentences or paragraphs linking it to his relationship. Most of his entries are short and sweet - shorter than my book reviews, in fact. So, they are quite easy to read through.
Most of these entries are written in an understated way. They typically end with a punch to the heart - and reverberate through the arteries. I needed to allow the emotions to surface and bubble up and make themselves felt. I needed to think about the things left unsaid. A process that I was willing to undergo because from the looks of it, he was crazily in love with her but she couldn’t reciprocate, perhaps due to her unresolved family trauma or inability to hold her liquor. We’re unsure as to why their relationship fell apart. Literature enthusiasts would have a whale of a time dissecting all the metaphors and rhetorical questions Levithan used.
One thing’s for sure. The female character cheated on the protagonist. And boy, did he pour out his raw anger forcefully in the entry “livid”. That’s the only entry in which I don’t have to play detective at unravelling his emotions.
I love that some dictionary entries build on previous entries but come with an additional sentence, letting me know sequentially how that pivotal conversation exactly went. Really smart of Levithan to introduce layers to the story.
I also realise that all authors are great at using punctuation marks as analogies to make salient points about something else. David Levithan has some good writing about commas and exclamation marks. So does Matt Haig, another author I enjoyed this year.
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Sounds interesting. Especially this part haha:
One thing’s for sure. The female character cheated on the protagonist. And boy, did he pour out his raw anger forcefully in the entry “livid”. That’s the only entry in which I don’t have to play detective at unravelling his emotions.
I will check it out. Thanks for the recommendation!