Studies have found that good listening has three key behaviors: offering attention, seeking understanding, and conveying positive intention.
Here are a few easy ways you can be a more present listener.
Give the other person your attention:
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Establish your capacity (“I have twenty minutes to talk right now, and then I will have to get back to work,” or “I need a bit of time to wind-down, and then we can spend time together!”)
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Try to minimize distractions (put your phone down, turn off the television, choose an appropriate time for in-depth conversations.)
Be curious:
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Summarize what they say (“It sounds like you’re saying…” and “What I’m hearing is…”)
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Ask for clarification (“Am I getting this right?”)
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Invite them to go deeper (“Could you share more about that experience?” or “What were you feeling in that moment?”)
Express care:
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Extend compassion (“That must have been so painful,” or “What do you need right now?”)
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Point out their strengths (“Your courage in that moment was awe-inspiring,” or “You always make me laugh.”)
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Share your gratitude (“This was such a great conversation," or “I’m so thankful that you opened up to me.”)