pull down to refresh
Those are potent.
One thing I didn't like from TFA, either bc I don't like this about the narrative character KK comes across as, or bc he hasn't elaborated well enough, is the symmetry of it. Like, the events that have provokes such gratitude and wonderment are expressions of deep generosity -- and even sacrifice -- by the people in his tales.
He expresses gratitude toward the universe at large, and does it beautifully. But what of the people themselves? Is he proving worthy of their gifts? Does he discharge his debt, somehow? He does say this:
The weird thing is that I was, and still am, not sure whether I would have done what they did and let me sleep in the backyard. The “me” on the bicycle had a wild tangled beard, had not showered for weeks, and appeared destitute (my whole transcontinental trip cost me $500). I am not sure I would invite a casual tourist I met to take over my apartment, and cook for him, as many have done for me. I definitely would not hand him the keys to my own car, as a hotel clerk in Dalarna, Sweden, did one mid-summer day when I asked her how I could reach the painter Carl Larsson’s house 150 miles away.
So what, then? I read this and have almost a visceral reaction, feel the weight of what he was given, and the need to reciprocate, either directly to the person somehow, to make them feel the fullness of their actions, or more broadly, to the world. But he's silent on that account.
He views these beautiful gifts with wonderment, which is great, which is laudable, helping people to see the infrared of human kindness is a service. But it's not enough.
But he's silent on that account.
But it's not enough.
I get this. The closure of reciprocating. It's my reflex too. But wouldn't anything else negate the gift, deny the giver the pleasure of giving? I'm not enough of a giver to know.
If I were them, I think what I'd want is for people to join me on the side of the givers, to cause some cascade of giving. It's got to be lonely. (Everything is lonely.)
But wouldn't anything else negate the gift, deny the giver the pleasure of giving? I'm not enough of a giver to know.
When I think about what I'd like KK to say, it would be something like:
"A family in the Phillippines living in a shack opened their last can of tinned meat as a banquet for me. I regaled them with tales about my recent trip through their country, including some comical communication mishaps at a laundromat. I asked about their lives, learned about what each of them was doing, paid close attention to their answer. When I left the next day I gave them a postcard that I'd picked up in Malaysia of a place I'd visited the previous month, with a Haiku I made up commemorating the visit."
Actually I don't wish he'd said that, that's awkward and stupid, but you get the idea -- fuss over them, basically. Attend to them, make a point of making them feel special. And maybe he does that, and it's so obvious that he does that that he doesn't bother to note it, just like he doesn't note that he wipes his ass after he shits. But I wish he gave some indication of that sentiment.
Love this.
And that.