How to Be an Anti-Fascist

By Tucker Carlson’s Emotionally Available Clone Carl Tuckerson

Namaste, comrades.

Are you tired of watching democracy get mildly inconvenienced by billionaires while sipping your ethically sourced, $19 oat milk flat white? Do you sometimes feel like tweeting just isn’t enough to stop the slow, fascist creep of boomers with opinions?

Well, worry not. Because tonight, I, a glowing beacon of progressive perfection, will guide you through the sacred, carbon-neutral art of being an Anti-Fascist—from the comfort of your iPad, handcrafted from rare earth minerals mined by literal children.

Let’s begin.

Nothing says “resistance” quite like a filtered selfie captioned “Punching Nazis with love 💕✊ #Resist #SelfCareRevolution”. Bonus points if you’re wearing a Che Guevara shirt made in a sweatshop. Because nothing defeats authoritarianism like aesthetics.

Remember: optics over action. Always.

We used to love Elon. He was our quirky space daddy. He tweeted in lowercase. He smoked weed with Joe Rogan. He wore weird shoes. We loved that. Then he bought Twitter and suddenly—BOOM—he’s literally Benito Mussolini with better branding.

But hey, let’s be honest: if he announced a carbon-neutral Neuralink that dispenses vegan Adderall, we’d be back on the bandwagon so fast. We are morally opposed to fascism... unless it syncs with our Apple Watches.

Yes, Trump is a threat to democracy. Yes, he incited an insurrection. Yes, he talks like a Big Mac with a head injury. But if we actually stopped him? What would we tweet about?

He’s the villain we love to hate. He’s like Voldemort, if Voldemort ran on cheeseburgers and late-stage narcissism. He’s our algorithmic muse. He’s content.

Let’s not pretend we didn’t low-key enjoy four years of outrage-fueled identity formation. He gave us purpose. He gave us merch. Admit it—you miss him a little. That’s not anti-fascism, babe. That’s codependence.

When in doubt, call literally anything “fascism.” Voter ID laws? Fascism. Gas stoves? Fascism. Someone didn’t like your TikTok about polyamorous Marxism? Fascism.

Defining the word would ruin the fun. It’s like “vibes,” but with historical trauma. Why read a book when you can just compare everything to Hitler and get 12,000 retweets?

Remember: if you say “fascism” enough times, you don’t have to actually do anything about it.

Who needs grassroots organizing when you can “dunk on fascists” in the quote tweets? Nothing defeats authoritarianism like being aggressively smug with a PFP of a frog holding a Molotov cocktail.

Marching in the streets? Mutual aid? Local elections?

Cringe.

Let’s just post a meme of Trump hugging Mussolini with a caption that says, “When your fascist BF also texts other regimes 🥺👉👈.”

Being an anti-fascist in 2025 is hard. You have to juggle being morally superior, chronically online, and vaguely condescending all at once. But if we just stay in our bubbles, talk over each other on Clubhouse, and continue to believe that irony is activism, we’ll totally defeat fascism.

Eventually.

Maybe.

After brunch.

Stay performative. Stay smug. Stay revolution-adjacent.

We’ll see you tomorrow—for another episode of "The Whisper of Democracy", where we dismantle empires with emotional vulnerability and artisanal zines.

Namaste, but make it confrontational.

— Delusionally Chill Carl