I met my younger self for coffee today.

His eyes widened, looking at my kopi o kosong in surprise. His quizzical look said it all. He loves his coffee sinfully accentuated with condensed milk.

“Oh I picked up the habit of drinking black coffee because of JET,” I explained impassively because I knew he would react adequately for the two of us. “YOU MADE IT TO JAPAN!” he exclaimed. I didn’t bother to ask him to hush because I empathise with him. It’s hard to keep my volume low when I’m excited.

His face lit up like a Christmas tree saturated with lights. For a moment, I envied his lightheartedness, his infectious spirit.

“Do you travel a lot? 你四海之内结兄弟吗? (Are you making friends with people all over the world?)” he peppered me with questions, his free-spirited nature an open book. I gently got him to drink his kopi C, wondering just how honest I needed to be. That the furthest place I venture out is Northpoint City these days. Farewell, late-night bus boarding at Golden Mile and waking up the next morning in Malaysia. Farewell, Southeast Asia escapades. I don’t know if my current situation would crush him. So hell-bent on travelling he was.

I probably shouldn’t tell him that I’m a father of two as well. Children aka nature’s travel door stoppers. He wouldn’t understand it. Hell, I don’t quite understand it myself, being embroiled in the storm of 24/7 non-stop demands. The joys of parenting are present but fleeting. How can I explain to him the ache in my heart when my son does effortlessly something I can’t do or when my daughter rushes into my arms every day I pick her up? How do these transient joys compare to his exhilaration of feeling alive, navigating a foreign land with aplomb, his days a blank slate?

So, I just say, “just take it one day at a time”, focusing on his unrealised wanderlust, smiling as encouragingly as my complicated heart could muster.

He nodded his head enthusiastically. Of course, I knew my words would stick. He believes in them fervently, and I use them to encourage myself, too. Some things never change.