Amazing story, well written. Great entertainment. You definitely overthink it. Highly recommend the eastern orthodox rabbit hole. Your issues are also easily explained with a bit of psychology. Frankl, Langer Positive Psychology crew maybe you learn a thing or two. You just fell out of your role and got a bit lost. But your a high achiever so most likely you'll find a new mission, just try lots of things. And if not, also fine nothing to worry about. Wisdom and knowledge acquisition is always a good option, not everyone has the privilege, good use of time. Do you consider yourself red pilled?