You say your ego has been chocked out by suffering. Perhaps you identify as a person in pain. Whatever our "story", it is an illusion of mind. Ego is whatever we identify with, our story. You identify as being hurt. And your pain is real and valid, and must absolutely must be felt. Your story is real. and yet...

You can choose to let your story empower you, (L) E (T) (it) go re-write the story of the past.

Maybe, start a new story where you are the hero, where you know your past gives you resilience and strength. And you offer a unique perspective that help others heal with you.

There is always multiple perspectives, maybe you can choose a new one.

The ego also keeps us safe. Do you feel unsafe in this world? The goal is not to "kill" the ego permanently. "ego death" only offers perspective. The ego will always remain, as long as we are human. The goal is to identify the ego, or "know thyself", so we may masters of the ego

Then we can feel safe, guided, and empowered

In the flow

Take what is helpful. Leave the rest.