Dear Sensei,

You have always been an avid traveller. When you worked at Singapore Polytechnic, you managed to find opportunities to take students on overseas trips to China, Vietnam, Indonesia and the Philippines. Plus, you discarded everything you knew and embraced two years of solo living in the Land of the Rising Sun.

Even marriage didn’t deter you, for you ditched your wife to travel alone to Phuket for three days. For better or for worse, parenting turned out to be your kryptonite.

When you become a parent, you swap your individual freedoms for the collective happiness of your family. You automatically have to stop being self-centered because you have a tiny being who is reliant on you 24/7. In the process, you evolve as a human being, guided by purpose (eudaimonic well-being) rather than ruled by pleasures (hedonic well-being).

This all sounds well and fine in theory, but what if you don’t necessarily want to abandon hedonistic pleasures? I don’t think it’s as straightforward as black and white. Travelling makes me feel alive. I bathe in the adrenaline rush, soaking in the cacophony of foreign sounds, sights and smells that thrill me to no end.

With parenting, I swap all these exciting things for the privilege of pressing a button so that my daughter can enjoy her time in the merry-go-round. Literally. (Don’t ask me why this playground still has such old-school machines.) If an enlightened purpose comes along with boredom and mindlessness, why did I jump abroad a sinking ship? No wonder so many couples choose to be child-free these days. No wonder Singapore has one of the lowest fertility rates in the world. Travel-obsessed mobile yuppies get it!

In theory, I know I have to subscribe to the low time preference philosophy. After all, my daughter won’t be helpless forever, and I can resume my travel aspirations when the children grow older. All is not lost, even if the present reality is maddening.

Also, you chose to be a dad. So I guess it’s up to you to channel your pent-up frustrations into something that will take your mind off grieving over lost travel opportunities. I don’t have any suggestions for you. But I think that just being grateful for the small things is a viable coping mechanism for now.

I’m watching my daughter run amok while enjoying a massage on the massage chair. Life could be worse.

Hang in there, Me