Tough love or compassionate teacher? What actually works? \ stacker news ~alter

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Tough love or compassionate teacher? What actually works?

328 sats \ 14 comments \ @DesertDave 5 Dec alter_native

In your experience what is the best way to teach somebody something? I have heard that sometimes, tough love is necessary. Sometimes someone needs to be slapped in the face to see the truth. This makes me think of military training, programming people by using fear. In my experience this doesn't work so well. I have found that the way to get someone to see and hear me is to meet them where they are and go from there. Obviously that requires a willing open student. But why would I be trying to teach anyone who doesn't want to learn? How do we teach children? I think it works best when we empathize with them and go into their little world, because they can't see or exist in ours yet. I personally need to understand things on my own terms. So if someone doesn't meet me where I am, with compassion, I will not listen. I have a strong will. I close up when someone talks down to me.

What do you think? Is tough love necessary? What is the most effective way to teach someone something new In your experience.

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110 sats \ 0 replies \ @denlillaapan 5 Dec

Alright, alright.

Run that model plus the fact that we literally force kids to go into factory farming/public school.

Ergo, nobody surprised that the teaching doesn't do anything but babysit.

110 sats \ 2 replies \ @Imyourfed 5 Dec

Teaching is like planting seeds. You can’t force a plant to grow by yelling at it or pulling on its leaves it grows best when you water it give it sunlight and care for it with patience. Same goes for people.The best teaching happens when you meet people where they are not where you want them to be.

11 sats \ 0 replies \ @kenn_b 5 Dec

this is the way

11 sats \ 0 replies \ @DesertDave OP 5 Dec

That's a great analogy. I will remember that. Thank you.

11 sats \ 3 replies \ @Shugard 5 Dec

They definitely need a lot of love! You have to see in the child what the child does not see. You need a lot of patience. But you need rules and standards. And yes, you need punishment! The child will explore the world and you should help. Find and satisfy their curiosity and go from there. But teach norms and behaviour along the way. At a certain age he will explore beyond the boundaries you have drawn and cross them deliberately. Like in the Lion King when Sima goes to the elephant graveyard. You should protect your child, but you should also enforce your own rules and punish misbehaviour like Mufasa.

There is a lot of truth in the carrot-and-stick approach. Don't be weak, just show love. Be strict but kind. It's much better.

Check out my profile for BTC teacher posts

Also this might give you some insight: #768174

21 sats \ 2 replies \ @DesertDave OP 5 Dec

Great comment. Thank you. Most parents don't believe me when I say this but I pretty much have never punished my kids. They are 16 And 17 now. I remember putting my son in time out once. Not to say I didn't make it clear what I expected of them without yelling. The key was I was very clear and consistent. And they respected me so they wanted to do right by me. I also always showed them respect and explained things thoroughly so they didn't really ever misbehave. It sounds unrealistic maybe. That's how I remember it though.

11 sats \ 1 reply \ @Shugard 5 Dec

You don't need any advice! Sounds like you are doing great man!

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @DesertDave OP 5 Dec

I feel good about my ability to teach and to parent. I have also run a company and dealt with teaching many employees. I make posts like this to have great discussions. Not really for advice. Although I do learn a lot always.

11 sats \ 4 replies \ @7e6e393a56 5 Dec

My experiences are mostly tough love, so I learned from a young age to do what needs to be done, and not take it personally. I grew up in a neighborhood where most of my friends were older than me, and that prepared me a lot for the future to come. I've had experience with some types of teachers, but the worst thing for me is not the tough love, but the indifferent one.

15 sats \ 3 replies \ @DesertDave OP 5 Dec

That's true. Indifference is the worst. My father was really tough. And my tennis couch. I definitely learned a lot. But a big part of what I learned was how I didn't want to be with my own kids. Sometimes there is probably a place for tough love.

11 sats \ 2 replies \ @7e6e393a56 5 Dec

This is true wisdom: learn from other people's mistakes and don't make them yourself.

15 sats \ 1 reply \ @DesertDave OP 5 Dec

I have learned to be grateful for it all. My father was intense. But now he has been gone a long time, he took his own life. And I have done a lot of work to understand my life path better. I used to feel like a victim to things he did. Now I realize that he helped me become a strong resilient man. And I can see how hurt he was and how hard he had it. I have only gratitude for him. I wouldn't change a thing. So grateful.

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @7e6e393a56 5 Dec

A very intense experience. In a whirlwind of emotions like the one you went through, you made yourself a better person to move forward. I'm happy for you!!!

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @random_ 5 Dec

Both in moderation.

#770007