And no, I don't mean the kind of 'football' where you pad up alongside a roster of 44 other juiced up roidenators, resetting for another painfully slow scrimmage while 84,000 body-painted, Cheeto-fingered, Coors-Light sipping, frat-boy chodes scream you on as you scrape another inch toward a first down.

I mean the kind of football nicknamed 'The Beautiful Game' which is in fact an excuse for frustrated failed men to bond in pub toilets, fighting over poor quality lines of coke before hurling abuse at the 'blind wanker' of a referee while 22 pretty boys struggle to score a single goal in 90 minutes of non stop sprinting.

You know... soccer.

Anyone?

I'm a Portsmouth fan btw. (Also, I quite like NFL)