When it comes to this life there are materialists and transcendentalists. In the material world there are never any means to satisfaction. It's all nonsense or too much sense.

Personally I found drinking to be the escape pod that was useless but always there. I just time warped back to misery.

I've found that since my realization or remembrance that I'm not my body while still having to captain this vessel makes more sense. "Reality" is a material plane of existence that is constantly changing. Human reality is a gift from God to enjoy freedom while getting back to the source of life.

The alternative medicine is just a peek at a lofty high. The attraction of the Supreme Godhead is greater than all the material joys that life may bring and will take away.

To be a mother is one way to serve God and find great blessings because you enable another being to become human. A human will experience suffering but he or she will also have the ability to find liberation from suffering by acting out of heaps of desires developed over millennia.

If you can make your relationship conjugal. It will be a better beginning. Look up the meaning of the word. It's similar to yoga. Falling prey to the lie of the independent woman (subsidized by the state) is a huge trap of slavery. It's meant for women and men to create fodder for the state to consume which inevitably serves to enrich the few on the backs of many who have no culture or family.

I wish you a great journey. Remember that things will be difficult ANYWAY so don't think that weed (or any material thing ) will make it easier. It won't. In fact it will ruin you of your human existence and your next trip may be a lesser birth or even an animal birth of pure sense gratification and no chance of liberation for a very long time.

Find out how to serve God in a capacity that brings joy to you!

Hare Krishna!