I don’t scream at my son the same way I do at my students, though it isn’t for lack of want. Just that my son will astutely report my act to his mom, which will sour the congenial atmosphere of the house faster than wine left exposed to the elements.
Hal Runkel did have a thought-provoking way of framing parenting. He wrote, “Regardless of the words coming out of our mouths, what we’re really screaming is Calm me down!”
But parenting is an endless race against time, so it’s hard to filter the edginess, the almost palpable tension in my voice when I’m getting my boy to do the next thing on my overflowing task list.
But I think this book’s emphasis on staying calm helped me break my pattern yesterday. It was 6.30pm, and I was trying to convince my boy to shower. Except that it was an hour before his usual bath time. His reluctance was probably compounded by his desire to wait for his mum to return home to shower him.
“Don’t you want to make your mum happy?” Nay, my emotional manipulation didn’t work. He stood to his guns, staring at me impassively. (That’s his code for NO!)
“Why don’t you take all your bath toys and put them on the water basin? You have never done that before, right? Let’s do it!”
It must be the saccharine sweet tone that conveyed only nonchalance, nothing more nothing less. It worked! He suddenly got all enthused and rushed to take his toys.
Later, during the shower, he initiated a game of Sink or Float with his myriad toys. I subtly got him to spell S I N K aloud since he was in the mood.
Most importantly, his mother let out a genuine gasp of delight when she returned to find us ready for a shower. And that is the best endorsement of Screamfree Parenting!