Here everyone is getting waps min. 11 and max.5000

A man walked into a library and asked the librarian, "Do you have any books on Pavlov's dogs and Schrödinger's cat?" The librarian replied, "It rings a bell, but I'm not sure if it's here or not."

A guy in a rough outback mining town saloon walks in with a crocodile on a leash. The music screeches to a halt and the bartender yells out, "Oy mate! You cant bring a croc in here!". The guy says, "no no don't worry. Look he's well trained.". The guy steps up to the bar and snaps his fingers, the croc clambers up a stool and onto the bar and stretches his 18 foot body along the bar. At this point all the rough riders, bikers, criminals, and miners slowly approach the bar to see what's going on. The guy taps the croc on the the nose and the croc opens his jaws all the way. Then the guy says, "watch this", and unzips his pants, pulls out his schlong and lays it across the croc's sharp teeth. Everyone is staring wide eyed in amazement knowing any second he could lose everything. After 5 long minutes, the guy tucks himself back in. Zips up and taps the croc on the nose and the croc slowly lowers his jaw. The guy looks around the room and says, "Anyone else want to try it?"

All the mean onlookers are tight lipped. The bartender backs away slowly...but then, in a dark corner of the bar, an old-timer stands up and declares, "I'll try it...but I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long."

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?

He was just going through a stage.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

I want to tell a cat joke… but that would be paw taste

Why did the guy bring a ladder to the bar? Because he heard the beer was on the house!