i had a few personal things to take care of the other day, and during one of my appointments, the service rep and I got into a deep conversation about living life for you, and no one else.

i feel like alot of my life has been lived in fear of messing up and doing "what's right". it's always been about what my family and friends are gonna think about the choices i make. when you live in a society that expects you to have everything figured out, with going to school, finding and getting a job, looking for foward to buying materialistic things and retirement, the weight of trying to do all of these things becomes heavier and heavier. i'm at the second step, and it feels awful (and exhausting) trying to mold and make all these versions of myself just to try and stand out. (scratch that, i actually fucking hate applying for jobs especially on linkedin. it feels very fake so, i have pretty much stopped using it. ).

i'm seeking approval and validation i know i will never get.

so why do i have this underlying fear that i think has holding me back for so long?

honestly, it's a very uncomfortable taking an unknown route, again. i should be more at ease being back here at home, but it just feels... so much of the same, it's different.

it's tough feeling unsupported throughout your goals and desires for yourself. when everyone is doing things "the right way", you can't help but feel like an imposter.

despite these feelings, i am still keeping my head up. and even if no one close to me sees what i see, that's okay.

i am learning to live for me, selfishly and with no shame. because no one else is going to forge the life i want except for me.