does your brain every do that thing where you just think of every worst possible scenario that could happen and doesn't feel like it will ever shut up? yup. all the fucking time it seems.

last night, my brain was complete scrambled eggs. i quit my job, and i can't help but feel "stuck" at what to do next, even though i'm not actually stuck. i can go home tomorrow if i wanted to, but what good is that if my whole purpose was to come here to see more of japan and then leave not even two months in?

when you're truly alone with yourself, all your mind does is talk. i left the job i was at for my sanity, well-being, and the freedom to do as i wish when i wish. on the other hand, my mind is saying:

"you're just giving up, and you're lazy." "you're not gonna have a stable source of income." "what are you gonna do? what's gonna happen with the apartment, visa situation, moving out expenses, etc.?" "are we gonna be in deep shit?"

after all this racing mind madness, I needed to talk to someone about all of this. i called my fiance, and as always, is like gandalf or dumbledore at this point because he knows all the right things to say that just stick with you.

he told me he stopped worrying about the future, and only focused on the things of today that can further contribute to the life you want to live. and that has rung true with me. the last thing i need is to get in over my head over events that have not even happened yet.

so right now, i am doing what i can that only involved today:

<3