Lately I have been thinking about the first time I emigrated, and I want to write it because it helps me untangle the knots in my mind and look back to assess how little or how much progress I have made. I want to introspect on that decision that changed my life completely. It was a hasty, volatile, improvised decision, without any type of planning or prior study about where I was going, this post should be called "What things NOT to do if you want to emigrate." In this publication I told about the situation that my native country is going through #378450 .

Putting that in context, my migration happened like this, I had a couple of acquaintances who were planning to leave the country, their destination was Ecuador, they were really studying (as they should) the possibilities they could have there, pros and cons, planning how much money they needed, etc., listening to them made me focus and that idea was implanted in my mind, I thought "anyone can emigrate", the truth is that before listening to them that was an unthinkable idea for me. One of the boys left and apparently things weren't bad for him, every day I saw that more and more people were emigrating and I was really fed up, that my salary wouldn't even be enough to buy me a pair of pants, of the power outages, of water, tired of not being able to buy deodorant whenever I wanted, tired of getting up early to get food due to "rationing" tired of the fact that buying fries at McDonald's was a fucking luxury, can you imagine living in a country where a few fries from McDonald's compromise half of your salary? McDonald's was forced to sell fried yuca to avoid going bankrupt, yes, just as you read fried yuca, they continued selling chips but there were very few people who could afford them.

Getting to the point, I said "I'm leaving" "I'm leaving" I can't take it anymore, I had 100 euros that my grandmother had given me when I was 10 years old, and 50 dollars that an aunt gave me when I was 8 years old... that was My heritage, which I had well stored in a small metal box under lock and key, was kept for 12 years until I finally decided to use it and they were the ones that helped me emigrate. I bought a ticket to travel by bus to Ecuador. It cost me 180 dollars. They helped me. with money to be able to complete my ticket, my parents were happy with my decision, but they never tried to stop me. For my good luck, 3 days before leaving the country, TADA! I found out that I was pregnant, it was a bucket of cold water (don't judge me, the contraceptive method failed me), I told my parents, my dad's face of disappointment was a poem, and my mom was devastated, double blow, she got it live that month, that her eldest daughter would leave the country and that she would now be a grandmother, she suggested that I have an abortion, I doubted it, but I told her no, that my pregnancy would continue. The day of my departure arrived, I was expecting a trip of several days, my family accompanied me to the bus terminal to say goodbye to me, they started calling people because the bus was about to leave, I started to say goodbye before getting on the bus. bus, my uncle gave me 100 euros as a surprise, it was part of some small savings that he had, he still doesn't know it, but with those 100 euros I was able to buy food, without that money I don't know what would have been done, I hugged my sisters, me dad, my grandmother and finally my mom, I still remember her face of pain, I had never seen her so devastated, her face is the only one I remember from that day.

The bus left, it took 16 hours to get to the border, we got off and had to cross the border on foot, since cars could not pass from one country to another, only the pedestrian crossing was enabled, I stood at the border looking from one side to the other, I took a photo of my exit, my way of saying goodbye and crying crossing, now I was scared, but there was no way I was going to return without at least trying and even less with my baby growing inside me, it was Now or never, that's how I felt at that moment.

The trip continued, beautiful landscapes of Colombia, nausea from the mountainous road and the first trimester of pregnancy, a combination that I do not recommend to anyone. The only thing I could bear to eat due to nausea was a soup. After 3 days of traveling I arrived at the border of Ecuador. I was very cold. I wasn't wearing ideal clothes for that climate. I already knew it would be cold but I didn't imagine how cold it would be, and In any case, I didn't have the money to buy suitable clothes, so it didn't matter, enduring the situation was the only option, 10 hours later I finally arrived at my destination.

My first day in Ecuador: I arrived at dawn so I had to wait until dawn to find where to have breakfast, the worst breakfast of my life (that's how I felt at that moment) there was no sandwich or anything like that, the breakfast that was available was: rice, poorly seasoned chicken in sauce, a hard bread with a slice of unsalted cheese, coffee and a tree tomato juice, ok it seemed like a terrifying combination, I'm sorry but in Venezuela breakfasts are not like that, for those who have the possibility of having breakfast, the first option is arepa, but sandwich or pancakes; The rice and chicken did not provoke me, I was already quite dizzy from the pregnancy, the low blood pressure and the lack of oxygen caused by the altitude, I tried to eat the bread and cheese as best I could, the second bite I vomited , horrible, I felt very ashamed, I felt horrible because of the dizziness, what a way to start, after I managed to calm down a little I just drank tree tomato juice, I had never tried it in my life, and it was one of the few things that I was able to tolerate during pregnancy, so it was a blessing for me. After that unforgettable breakfast, I looked for a rental, luckily I found a room quickly, I left all my things and went for a walk, I had to look for a job urgently, there was a shopping center nearby, it seemed incredible to me to see so many stores, so many products and offers, in Venezuela that normality had disappeared so many years ago, in that shopping center there was a super market and what a spectacular feeling I felt when I was able to buy food without having to wait in line for 10 hours, being able to buy my hygiene items without any type of restriction , it was glorious, it is absurd how they degraded my country so much that buying deodorant without problems was a success. I walked further through the mall and had my first craving, nachos with cheedar cheese, I couldn't resist and bought it. I didn't get a job that day, but it was fine despite the incident in the morning and the dizziness that accompanied me.

Second day: I went to the nearest health center to start my prenatal check-up. While I was waiting I saw a vending machine that I thought was somewhat curious. I went over to see what it had and to my surprise, they were condoms. I couldn't believe it, especially because of the fact. that they were free. I told myself "you made the right decision", it was my appointment's turn, and when the doctor performed the echo, he told me that I had a risk of miscarriage, he gave me the indication that I had to rest in bed for at least a minute. month, that was like a slap in the face for me, how could I be in bed for a month? I needed to look for a job as soon as possible, the little money I had I had spent on renting a room and on food for 15 days. I returned home and chaos began.

I tried to rest for about a week, it was hard, the nausea got worse and worse, I spent most of my day with my head stuck in the toilet from vomiting so much, instead of gaining weight, I lost. The low blood pressure made it impossible for me, emotionally I was on the floor, well, literally too, sometimes I had to crawl out of bed to where I had a small kitchen to look for some fruit and water because I couldn't get up, my breathing was slow , I was sweating cold, nauseated, my vision was blurry, my body was shaking, it was annoying not having help even for a glass of water, I couldn't give up, I was no longer alone, I drew strength as best I could and went out to continue looking for work , it took me a while, it wasn't fast, I went through things that I don't want to write about, not for now.

The first job I got was in a small restaurant, they were looking for a waitress, I had never done that job, but I thought it wouldn't be difficult, the pay was a pittance but it was better than nothing. I was only in that place for 1 day, taking dishes from the kitchen to the tables was easy, cleaning the tables too, the problem was when they made me carry very heavy boxes, and I couldn't do that because I ran the risk of losing my baby At no time did I say that I was pregnant because I was afraid that they wouldn't give me the job. It was also difficult to wait on the tables when I was so nauseous and having to go to the bathroom all the time to vomit and hide the fact that I wasn't about to faint from low tension. I had to turn down that job and of course they didn't pay me for the day I worked.

The days went by, I was still looking for work, I entered a craft market and saw that in a place that sold jewelry they were looking for girls for sale, I applied for the job, but they rejected me, guess why... Because of my appearance, I didn't meet their expectations. beauty standards, they didn't like my clothes, that I didn't have makeup on and my hair, shit, that was humiliating, going hungry had been stupid. To clarify, 1) I didn't have nice clothes, much less new ones, I used the only thing I had that covered me from the cold, it's not like my clothes were dirty or like I hadn't been bathed, 2) I didn't have money for food. , much less did I have for makeup or to buy a straightener for my hair. That moment was so I don't even have the words to describe what I felt. At that moment I started to turn my back on the system, and show them my middle finger. If no one was going to give me a job, it doesn't matter, I would create my own.

They recommended me a place where they sold slices of cake on consignment, they sold each one for 0.55 dollars and I sold them for 1 dollar, every day I sold between 20 and 30 slices. The salary at that time was 10 to 12 dollars a day for 10 hours of work, I made the same amount of money for 5 hours of work, I walked every day selling my cakes, at first I felt like a mouse in the open. without knowing where to go, but little by little everything was taking color, it was not easy, there were days that were harder than others, I spent the 9 months of pregnancy with vomiting (supposedly it is only the first trimester of pregnancy that there is vomiting ) and suffering from dizziness due to low blood pressure. But I didn't care, I was paying my bills, food and I wasn't dependent on anyone humiliating me for money.

There are too many things I could go on writing about my first migration, from the times I got lost, how I was left without a phone, the nights I was afraid, the days I didn't eat, good people I met and others not so good, but really. They are not details that I want to highlight, they still move sensitive fibers in me, maybe one day I will write about it, my hands also went numb from writing so much, I spent 2 hours writing my experience and by mistake I deleted more than half and I had to do it Again, I got a little frustrated because I was really inspired by venting, observing every step I have taken, seeing how I went through situations that I never thought I would overcome and that today are just like a disturbing dream. To conclude this anecdote, for reasons external to me and with a lot of anger and regret, I had to return to Venezuela, I didn't want to, I had already fought so hard those months, I had managed to move to a mini apartment that I liked, I was afraid of the sound of the wooden floor at night, but wow I really saw myself living there for at least 2 years, although it only had a foam mattress, a 2-burner stove without an oven and a borrowed plastic table, well I could already imagine Since I was going to decorate everything, I had the money collected for my princess's things, but I had to say goodbye to all that effort, I felt frustrated, I thought that everything had been in vain, I was afraid of not being able to emigrate again, of course I wanted to see my family, but I didn't want to live in a crisis of scarcity again. I returned 8 months pregnant, on the bus again, I was happy to be with my family and sad because I had left all my effort in the trash. Then I reflected and realized that I needed to live that experience, to learn to value each job, value myself and show myself that I can, I needed that experience to learn to support myself, and thank you that I was alone and not with my already born daughter. . So I just dedicated myself to enjoying sharing my family who filled me with a lot of love and my daughter when she was born, my mother who accompanied me and guided me on how to care for a newborn, I understood why my mother looked so devastated the day I emigrated. . When I was 9 months old, my baby emigrated again, but this time with more knowledge, with better plans, not perfect, but feeling empowered because I knew how to create my own source of income, I have not seen my family again for 6 years. years, I miss them very much, it was worth leaving Ecuador to reconnect with my family for a year.

And you know what? I'm not interested in McDonald's fries anymore.