The lame and obvious answer: people might not like you being you and think you're weird

The more unique and authentic answer: It's emotionally difficult to not fit in. I think we are hardwired to seek out the "cool kids". The question we should be asking ourselves however is: what does cool mean to YOU?

Imo, in school, the "cool kids" are just "cool" because they are themselves. They don't ask for permission to be who they are. They simply are.

It doesn't actually matter if they are smart, beautiful, arrogant, rich or whatever. The only thing that matters for their coolness (as perceived from the outside) is that they are authentic.

Being smart, beautiful, arrogant, rich etc. only makes being authentic easier since there is less attack surface for others. If you're rich and not authentic, people might pretend that you're cool but you're not in their eyes. They will just take advantage of your money but not want to be you.

Other kids see the real cool kids and want to be like them, completely missing the point. It's about being yourself, not about being like someone else.

Keep in mind that I am not saying that the cool kids are really authentic. They just look like it. In a room full of kids with no one having a fucking clue who they are, I think the bar for being perceived as authentic is pretty low.

I think most cool kids also get put into this role of being cool. They see others liking them which reinforces their existing behavior. They might not realize that this isn't who they are. But they like being that way, at least for now, so why change?

It takes time and courage to tell yourself apart from other people, to know what is important to you and not only because it's important to someone else you like (why?) and want to stay friends with.

I did a lot of masking during my social interactions, I just didn't know that's a thing and that I was doing it or thought that's normal. After I found out I was wearing a mask and was able to take it off, the biggest challenge was to keep the mask off in front of the people who have known me for years with only the mask on.

It's also actually pretty scary to take off a mask you have been wearing for so long, maybe even your whole life). You're worried what you're going to find under it.

Honestly? I just couldn't sleep for weeks. This changed my view on many things a lot. The insomnia wasn't voluntary though. I think I couldn't replicate it. I now no longer waste my time being someone else. I waste my time differently now.