it's funny how much you get to know yourself when living on your own. with no one you know around. in a country that speaks like, no english.
being in japan is the definition of just that. despite working for a shitty company, and contracts being so vague and notoriously open ended with assumed expectations, i thought to myself, "well, if they can bend all the rules in their favor, then i might as well do the same thing." might as well make the most of my time here to make it enjoyable instead of miserable, right?
one of my coworkers said to me (and it has stuck with me ever since), if they wanted to hire a japanese person, they would've done just that. and that couldn't have been more true.
with that being said,
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i will not be walked all over, despite crapass management doing hardly anything to and a psycho micromanaging principal, i will tell them straight (i have many times already) if i don't like something, and quite frankly i could give less of a shit what they say, or think. so far, menial compromises have been made, and for the most part, i am left alone so far. we will see if that actually lasts.
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i pretty much do what i want. i listen to music while planning for future classes, wear jeans, and read all my favorite books in my downtime. you're probably asking, "why?" because they refuse to hire another english teacher to support the school, and i am literally all they have at the moment. essentially, their asses are desperate.
however, i do take care of all the business i need to take care of before leaving the office (i also leave on time or earlier, again, don't give a fuck what anyone really thinks), and doing the best job i can in being a teacher.
FUCK keeping the peace. the school and company is need desperate changes if they actually want to keep their employees, and my coworkers have said the same thing (experienced by their own suffering and working conditions).
- i don't mind kids, but i'm learning i don't like to teach kids. it's ironic because they (kind of) keep me going? if that makes sense. they are the only genuine positive energy that radiates at that school.
i feel i can't devote 110% enthusiatic and excited energy everyday to teach kids, and today was one of them. i felt the anxiety and stress building at the end toward one of them, and it was really rough. the good thing was i made it through. Yet, this alone might be a reason why i have to walk away from it very soon. it's super taxing and tiring, and on top of the time i need to lesson prep and make materials is also another aspect to navigate.
i've always had a big knack for teaching high school and university students because i can relate more to them (and teaching English as a language vs a literary subject is a whole other level of difficulty).
I have found if my heart and soul isn't truly into something, it's not gonna suit me in the long term.
- my whole purpose in coming to japan was to explore the rest of it and learn the language better: two things i haven't been able to really do since getting here. at the moment, my goal is to nomadic as soon as possible.
if anyone is hiring in digital marketing remotely, or you know of companies that are reputable for teaching english online, please connect me with them, or let me know! Would love to chat and get in touch!
At this point, I am taking it a day and step at a time until I find another route out.
in less than a month abroad, I learned to make myself very clear with intentions and goals, become more confident and selfish for myself, and better understand what actually brings value to my life.
to put it simply, I will do everything I can to not settle for less. and i would highly suggest that everyone try to do the same.