After a long emotional journey with infertility my wife and I were recently approved to be a resource family for the county DCFS. We are hoping to foster a child 0 - 2 and eventually even adopt. We are very excited and I thought I would ask the group. What's the best fatherly (or motherly) advice you can give me?
Wasn't sure what territory to put this in. Thanks in advance!
Congratulations! You are going to do a great job, so don't worry to much.
Best advice (and hardest to follow) I received was this:
Let them fall down, kids bounce.
Keep them from killing or maiming themselves, but otherwise a few bruises from falling down stairs or even breaking a bone is okay.
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Lol. That's good advice. You always here how everyone freaks out and worries over the first one and all the rest you worry less and less. I was a first one.
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I like this. Thank you
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That's a truly heroic thing your wife and you are doing.
Here's my advice for new parents: Relax, you're doing ok.
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🤙. Thank you.
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Make sure you and your wife have a common set of family and life values and bring them up based around those. Raise them yourself and according to your own personal values, do not hand them over to the state to raise and be propaganised. Research homeschooling, home education, unschooling. Sorry for your struggles so far, all the best, I wish you well.
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Thank you for your advice!
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196 sats \ 1 reply \ @Crossett 26 Mar
Congratulations, that's great that you are looking to adopt. I am not a Dad yet myself but I think a very important thing is showing up and being present for any child. Good luck, you'll do great!
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Thank you!
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134 sats \ 1 reply \ @grayruby 26 Mar
Just enjoy the ride my friend. Relish every moment you can, even the challenging ones because time flies.
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It sure does! Thanks for your response.
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Get on the floor or ground with them and explore the world together. Later go for walks and stop at playgrounds. Put time limits on stuff so the clock is the bad guy.
Enjoy being a dad, there’s nothing better. Don’t beat yourself up when you make mistakes. Instead have a chat with yourself about what you’ll do next time.
Go to a good church and connect with other dads of all ages…use their wisdom and experience as a guide. I said as a guide.
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Thank you. I think listening to other's wisdom and implementing it as I see fit is something I excel at.....now. Can't wait to get on the ground and play!
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You’ll do good.
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Congratulations. Having kids is great experience, you will learn a lot about yourself too. I myself have rather modest parenting goals: make them happy and hope they will still talk to me when they grow up.
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Good goals!
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I just want to share the conversation I had with @cryotosensei in the following post regarding this topic.
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Thanks!
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My most important tip? get your shit sorted out
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To add on to our conversation, read up on attachment parenting, if you can, OP. It’s a useful theory to raise confident, independent adults.
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42 sats \ 1 reply \ @SirSat 27 Mar
Congrats, and good luck. Best advices I picked up are:
Praise only their actions and not what you think they are. (i.e. you put lots of effort on that, I am proud of you VS You are so smart).
Help them go through emotions of any kind, but don't try to dismiss them or make them happy. A little pain in the short term will help them grow more resilient.
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Those sounds like some good tips. Thanks!
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10 sats \ 1 reply \ @OT 26 Mar
Be prepared for everything to change. Especially your priorities
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đź‘Ť
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0 sats \ 1 reply \ @398ja 27 Mar
Don't hit Don't shout Don't lie
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Simple but effective.
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  1. Continue learning on Parenting along with psychology, austrian economics, monetary theory etc
  2. Read Adel fabers How to talk to children so they listen and how to listen so they talk amojng others
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Thank you, I will give that a read!
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They don't come with a manuel...
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True enough.
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Patience is key. Good luck!
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🙏 Thank you.
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Read the Whole Brain Child. It's super difficult and frustrating to get kids to communicate and work through their emotions, and this book does an incredible job giving you tools to help them do that. Honestly it's pretty helpful for adults, too.
Make sure you're connected with a solid community. If you don't live close to family, trading babysitting with parent friends is a game changer.
If your kid is being whiny, the only chance you have of turning that around is slowing yourself down and being emotionally engaged.
On that note, keep your phone away when you're around your kids. Even when they're infants, it's like they can sense when you're drawn into your device.
Still on that note, absorb this short video. This works for everyone, not just babies. The first time this was shared with me was in a marriage counseling session.
Support your wife. Emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually, all of it. Men are taught to lead their families, and I would argue that often the best way to do this is by making sure your wife equipped and supported to get through the week. That includes the obvious things like changing diapers, feeding the baby in the middle of the night, etc, but sometimes that's as simple as keeping her water bottle filled. And, I will again reiterate the emotional engagement thing.
Stay flexible. Be willing to admit when you're wrong. Allow your kids to negotiate with you (respectfully, of course).
Implement a day of rest (still trying to figure out how to do that for myself).
Make sure you're taking care of yourself, and be honest about the ways your wife can help you.
Probably do some therapy and/or marriage counseling if you haven't already.
Idk, all of that is probably a good place to start.
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These are wonderful suggestions and resources. Thank you so much. We have each done a bit of therapy but not together yet. I appreciate your well thought out response!
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Thank you for asking this. I am gonna be a father myself within the next 3 months.
The feeling of being dad is so joyful that it may bring anyone under pressure. I am feeling it and I bet most men do.
Now what it takes to be the best Dad is that we must remember only one word 'involvement'. Be the same age person as your child is. When he is toddler, bend your knees too. When he goes to school, take interest in his books and notebooks. When he becomes adult, take part in his life like a true friend. When he finds his love of life, share your experience like a love guru, when he goes for work, tell him how to handle all the complexities of life, when he is sad, weep with him first then say, you're always with him, when he wins, celebrate like you have won.
All the things that I told you above are what I have seen in my dad. I'm from India and we're living in a joint family so we always don't need to be the best. But my father did everything what he could because he didn't get his father's love due to my grandpa's untimely demise.
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Great advice. I had a stepdad from 9 to 14 but that's about it. I will say I had amazing Grandfather's who were involved thankfully. I'm so glad you were able to have such a great relationship with your dad. Congratulations! It sounds like you have a great foundation for your journey.
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Always let them know you’ll love them no matter what. Tell them often
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That, I can do.
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Wish my parents told me it more often!
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