When I was studying Japanese, I was indoctrinated by books cautioning that the Japanese have a honne (authentic self) and tatemae (public self). It is difficult to gain access to the Japanese’s inner hearts and honest thoughts because they are culturally conditioned to keep up appearances and say the polite thing. There’s another concept called omoiyari in Japanese, which refers to considering the feelings of other people. When Japanese people are empathetic to their interlocutors’ emotions, they would mask their true feelings.

So when I began my life in Japan under the Japan Exchange Teaching Programme, I was somewhat apprehensive about whether I would be able to navigate cultural norms because I am as straight as an arrow. What you see is what you get. I have little inclination to soften my messages; I think couching hard truths is a waste of time. So I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to assimilate into Japanese society.

After living there for some time, I realised that the distinction between honne and tatemae has been grossly exaggerated by the textbooks. Japanese people do speak their minds freely. Surely their direct speech may be considered as circumventing difficult topics by non-Japanese, but in no way are they lying. We just gotta remain sensitive to cultural and contextual cues.

I loved my time in Japan tremendously. Even married a Japanese lady to boot.