I’m Engaged. \ stacker news ~meta

11k sats \ 75 comments \ @birdeye21 18 Feb meta

Not to dox entirely, but perhaps the title shared a bit more about me and where I’m at in life!

Yes, it is true. Just happened yesterday. Crazy excited for life.

The past several weeks have been some of the most chaotic for me in awhile. And I’d love to think that the chaos will simmer now that Im past one of the finish lines, but of course there are always bigger ones to cross!

My recent SN hiatus has been very much needed, but I’ll be back around. Lot of life to figure out still. But 2024 is already one for the memory books.

So, I’d love to know stackers, what’s the best engagement advice you’ve received? What do you wish your pre-married self knew if you could go back and do it over again?

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1245 sats \ 2 replies \ @gnilma 18 Feb

Congratulations!

Best engagement advice was from my father in law when I went to ask for his blessing. His advice to me was compromise. He reminded me that we are both from different families, growing up with different habits, but will live together day in and day out. Both of us must be willing to compromise to make things work.

After being married for 14 years and having 3 children with my wife, we are still making compromises with one another. It does not mean one side totally giving in and allow the other side to do whatever they want. To us, compromise is that we communicate and talk things over when there is a disagreement, then attempt to work out a solution that both of us can accept.

62 sats \ 0 replies \ @birdeye21 OP 18 Feb

Yep, is good to internalize that compromise is part of the relationship, not something to try and “win” unless you’re asking to get broken up with..

73 sats \ 0 replies \ @Bell_curve 19 Feb

Compromise, great advice.

Marriage is a conflict of interests

208 sats \ 1 reply \ @BitcoinIsTheFuture 18 Feb

If you want a good partner, be a good partner!

21 sats \ 0 replies \ @birdeye21 OP 18 Feb

Treat others how you’d like to be treated!

180 sats \ 3 replies \ @kytt 18 Feb

Congrats! Marriage is awesome when you've found a perfect match.

As far as pre-marriage advice, mine would be: don't blow all of your money on a wedding that will last one day. Keep it simple. We rarely talk about our wedding or look at pictures, but it was still a simple and perfect wedding.

75 sats \ 0 replies \ @go 18 Feb

To piggy back on this - the actual need to spend money leading up to the wedding, followed by the splurge of spending after with the honeymoon and gift-card purchasing, is a drug that's hard to come down from.

Just know it's coming and be mentally prepared to ride the roller coaster and come back down to Budgetville after.

31 sats \ 0 replies \ @birdeye21 OP 18 Feb

I am all about small and simple. Been to enough huge weddings to know now that they are not for me 😂

10 sats \ 0 replies \ @Bell_curve 19 Feb

Great advice

199 sats \ 3 replies \ @Undisciplined 18 Feb

Congratulations! and thanks for sharing your good news with us.

Probably the biggest thing is to make sure you're both at least sort of on the same page when it comes to kids. You don't need to have exactly the same number in mind, or anything, but you need to know if one adamantly wants a big family and the other doesn't want kids at all.

In general, just be open and honest with each other and most issues will work themselves out. You're both going to grow together in a bunch of ways and that will change how you feel about a bunch stuff.

My wife just weighed in with her engagement advice: "Elope. It's cheaper than a wedding and you can afford to go somewhere fun and you'll actually be able to enjoy yourselves."

71 sats \ 0 replies \ @go 18 Feb

The kids advice is highly important too ^

49 sats \ 1 reply \ @birdeye21 OP 18 Feb

Yep, thankfully we’ve had those talks and are aligned :)

And oh yes, elopement is certainly in the cards. We will see!

42 sats \ 0 replies \ @Undisciplined 18 Feb

Good luck! We didn't have fortitude to go through with eloping. Maybe you'll succeed where we failed.

218 sats \ 2 replies \ @anon 18 Feb

Marriage kinda flips the script on what normally keeps folks in check when they're dating. It mixes up what motivates people, sometimes not in the best way. It's tough to tell how much of your partner's behavior is just them trying to impress you before marriage, and how much is actually them. You might be saying 'I do' to someone who's never shown their true colors. Plan accordingly and keep your eyes open. From what I've seen, folks start slipping shortly after the engagement.

20 sats \ 0 replies \ @birdeye21 OP 18 Feb

Always good to keep in mind. My partner and I (for better or for worse) have been through much together to reveal our true colors I think, and thankfully for me I think those experiences only ended up highlighting more why I should marry them

10 sats \ 0 replies \ @Bell_curve 19 Feb

What are your partners annoying habits and traits and can you tolerate them?

No one is close to perfect.

243 sats \ 1 reply \ @stacksatstoday 18 Feb

PreMarital Counseling.... Discuss things like money and other expectations you may have but never spoke about.

Read these books...

Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs
Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
Men are like Waffles and Women are like Spaghetti by Bill and Pam Farrel

Congratulations and it's a very exciting time. Wish you both the best and just remember to communicate and that your spouse isn't the enemy. Support and love each other.

20 sats \ 0 replies \ @birdeye21 OP 18 Feb

Thank you for the recommendations:)

200 sats \ 5 replies \ @davidw 18 Feb freebie

Get siggy with it…

Congratulations to you both! Don’t need to overthink it, but I would check in regularly to see how you can both be better partners for each other. Get into the habit of asking each other each month what they want to see more/less of. Don’t let the barnacles grow 😂

7807 sats \ 4 replies \ @birdeye21 OP 18 Feb

I’ve been big on this before the engagement haha so I’m glad to be on the right track. Very good advice. We have focused “check ins” every once in awhile

54 sats \ 3 replies \ @anon 18 Feb

new phone, who dis? lol :)

prenup prenup prenup!

20 sats \ 1 reply \ @birdeye21 OP 18 Feb

Don’t really believe in prenups tbh

If I wasn’t sure enough then I wouldn’t be marrying them

Yes I understand that someone could always turn into a serial killer or something but I’m all about a good risk:reward setup lol

To each their own though! Prenups have certainly saved many in the past

22 sats \ 0 replies \ @anon 20 Feb

lol, thats ok, I never used to believe in prenups either lol :)

10 sats \ 0 replies \ @Bell_curve 19 Feb

Good legal advice.

Half of marriages end in divorce

190 sats \ 3 replies \ @siggy47 18 Feb

Congratulations! I don't have any wise advice. We just celebrated our 24th, so I guess neither of us made any major mistakes. We're probably too old to remember if we did.

84 sats \ 0 replies \ @fm 19 Feb

proof of work :)

70 sats \ 0 replies \ @birdeye21 OP 18 Feb

Congratulations to you and yours siggy. 24 years and going is a major flex I dream of being able to share one day

10 sats \ 0 replies \ @Bell_curve 19 Feb

Love candor

154 sats \ 0 replies \ @hodlpleb 18 Feb

Talk about big things now, if you haven’t already. Opinions could always change later, but … Kids? Will she work? Would you relocate for work? Who cooks dinner? Who does the dishes?

Who owns the bitcoin?

There are lots of things.

Ok also encourage you to error on the side of a small wedding. Big ones are often regrettable later.

132 sats \ 1 reply \ @elvismercury 18 Feb

Congrats!

Here's my advice, which is a total cliche, but whatever:

A lot of things start out easy, and then get hard, and people are totally blindsided. They think it will always be the way it is right now, and feel annoyed and betrayed when things change. But this is as dumb as feeling betrayed when your puppy grows into a dog.

It's useful to know this because you can build the structure of your life in preparation of the harder times to come, when it's not easy; instead of depending on the ease to pull you through. Because it will stop pulling you through. And then you will either adapt or break. So why not adapt early?

10 sats \ 0 replies \ @birdeye21 OP 18 Feb

Cliches are cliche for a reason!

Great advice, I’m marrying the journey just as much as the person!

88 sats \ 1 reply \ @ablunderfilledlife 18 Feb

Here's a few:

"I thought I knew how much salmon costs until I learned about wedding reception dinner salmon."
"I wish a lot of the money we put into the wedding we put toward our future."
Have involved conversations with your partner after doing self inventories and rankings regarding your values and priorities in a marriage/family.
identify married couples you admire and talk about why.

10 sats \ 0 replies \ @birdeye21 OP 18 Feb

identify married couples you admire and talk about why.

Hadnt thought much about this, good idea!

89 sats \ 2 replies \ @KLT 18 Feb

Keep your wedding as intimate as possible. Less is more. Invite the people that you and your partner actually interact with on a day to day basis vs inviting the cousin you last saw 15 years ago.

When things get complicated, remember to keep it simple. It’s just you and your partner, everything outside of that is noise. As long as you both are happy, that’s all that matters.

35 sats \ 0 replies \ @runningbitcoin 18 Feb

Yes, great advice. So many friends with big, expensive weddings said they couldn't capture the special moment and it was more for the guests than for them. Keep it intimate with your loved one

10 sats \ 0 replies \ @birdeye21 OP 18 Feb

I love how many stackers are about the intimate small weddings. Lesson in there.

78 sats \ 0 replies \ @Signal312 18 Feb

Avoid a large, expensive wedding. You don't have to be like other people. It's a lot of stress and expense. I went to a potluck wedding recently, it was great.
Have kids. The more the merrier. You may seriously regret it if you don't. Mainstream media tells us it's easy to have kids even into your 30's or later - but that's often not true.

122 sats \ 1 reply \ @cryotosensei 18 Feb

Congratulations! You are in for a wild ride haha.

Honestly, happy wife happy life. Pick your battles with your wife. And when you do pick a battle, resolve it as quickly as your ego (and testosterone-charged brain) will allow you to. I can testify to how it is no fun doing fiat mining knowing that my wife is angry with me at the back of my mind lol

10 sats \ 0 replies \ @birdeye21 OP 18 Feb

So so excited for the ride, however crazy it may be :)

Having a partner (the right one) is a wonderful training in humility.

212 sats \ 1 reply \ @co574 18 Feb

Engagement: Where 'I do' really means 'I guess I can tolerate you forever.'

32 sats \ 0 replies \ @runningbitcoin 18 Feb

this 😂

76 sats \ 1 reply \ @jakoyoh629 18 Feb

To possess the art of listening attentively and knowing when to refrain from speaking.

10 sats \ 0 replies \ @birdeye21 OP 18 Feb

It is an art indeed

49 sats \ 1 reply \ @TheWildHustle 18 Feb

Dated my wife for 4 years, Married for 6. Just threw myself into marriage without thinking of consequences or concerns. Looking back, it was probably the best decision I’ve made.

60 sats \ 0 replies \ @birdeye21 OP 18 Feb

you have a wise gut!

Congrats to you both too, happy to hear that

123 sats \ 1 reply \ @030e0dca83 18 Feb

Love is about to give not about to get. Remember this and you'll have the happiest life

10 sats \ 0 replies \ @birdeye21 OP 18 Feb

Very good advice.

112 sats \ 1 reply \ @quark 18 Feb

new huge finish line has just been created ;) now you may have to share your bitcoin keys. be careful LOL. just kidding congratulations!

10 sats \ 0 replies \ @birdeye21 OP 18 Feb

Hahaha that is the ultimate expression of trust in the 21st century isn’t it

57 sats \ 1 reply \ @IamSINGLE 18 Feb

I am getting rid off someone. Fu##g divorcing from a shit bag.

BTW congrats and just one advice .. never let your ego run over your relation. Ignore shortcomings and just look into each other's heart. Be patient and never ever let each other down... not for any reason...

10 sats \ 0 replies \ @birdeye21 OP 18 Feb

Very good advice. My ego can get in the way now and then, luckily my fiancée is wonderful at keeping it in check 😂

Sorry to hear about the divorce. Best of luck to you out there, keep that mindset close and you’ll find the one.

24 sats \ 0 replies \ @Tef 18 Feb

One of the greatest pieces of advice I've received later in my life has been this:

"Remember that Communication is Key".

What do you wish your pre-married self knew if you could go back and do it over again?

I would wish I had received that advice earlier!!!

43 sats \ 1 reply \ @grayruby 18 Feb

Congrats

10 sats \ 0 replies \ @birdeye21 OP 18 Feb

Thank u brotha:)

43 sats \ 1 reply \ @kr 18 Feb

congrats!

10 sats \ 0 replies \ @birdeye21 OP 18 Feb

Appreciate it Rooke 🤠

43 sats \ 1 reply \ @Natalia 18 Feb freebie

congratsssss!

curious ever think of keeping it simple and do it in the timechain?

43 sats \ 0 replies \ @birdeye21 OP 18 Feb

Hmm we could inscribe our vows i suppose 😂 will forever hold me accountable

32 sats \ 1 reply \ @sasasuina 18 Feb

Congrats!

10 sats \ 0 replies \ @birdeye21 OP 18 Feb

Thank you :)

32 sats \ 0 replies \ @kingzing131 18 Feb

Will happen to me soon! Very excited! Any tips would be appreciated! Haha

66 sats \ 0 replies \ @DarthCoin 19 Feb

55 sats \ 0 replies \ @fm 19 Feb

Congrats buddy!!

https://i.pinimg.com/564x/97/8c/b2/978cb2729f2f583a7fc85665f05486b4.jpg

22 sats \ 1 reply \ @Malachi17 18 Feb

Love isn't what you think...

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @birdeye21 OP 18 Feb

care to elaborate??

23 sats \ 0 replies \ @TNStacker 20 Feb

Cheers, mate! ⚡🧡

22 sats \ 0 replies \ @designsats 19 Feb

F in chat

22 sats \ 0 replies \ @joko 19 Feb

Congratulations!

100 sats \ 0 replies \ @teodor 19 Feb freebie

Oh man, you asked me to late, as I was engaged over 50 years ago! :) and forgot what I did at that time so the rest of our lives together were blessed, not with much money, but with 9 wonderful kids and 21 terrific grandkids! Congratulations and listen carefully to each other! That's one of the secrets! 😊

11 sats \ 0 replies \ @Cowboy 19 Feb

Congratulations 🎉👏

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @TwoLargePizzas 19 Feb

Congratulations!

My advice, get your financials sorted early. What I mean by that is you need to agree on what money is shared vs what money is your spending money.

The way my wife and I do it now is we each get $100 per week to do whatever we please, no questions asked. The rest goes into a joint account for paying bills and mortgage.

But it wasn't always that way. Before this arrangement we would regularly argue over money. This one simple change really made a big difference.

There's also a few other things that help a lot. Automate your bills out of an account that always has a few weeks income in it. Any additional money from bonuses or side businesses need to be split fairly. Doing forget to account for taxes.

Oh, and buy Bitcoin regularly, a happy marriage will follow.

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @343pg 19 Feb

Congratulations! My advice would be - I’ve seen a lot of friends have hugely long engagement periods, which I’d try to avoid. The danger is that planning a wedding can become somewhat all consuming - it will automatically fill whatever time is available to it.

Along similar lines, Kevin Kelly said it best “Weddings don’t have to be perfect to be wonderful”