You know the gnawing sense of dissatisfaction when you spent all day clearing tasks but producing nothing of importance. On some days, this dissatisfaction could escalate to anger. 😠 Today was one of those days.

I started out the day by creating online class groups for two grades in my school. Ensuring that all staff and students were included in each class group easily took up an hour of my time. Well it wasn’t exactly time waste because I was listening to TED talks on the value of sleep. (Did you know that men who sleep less have smaller testicles? And that their low levels of testosterone hasten their ageing by ten years. Let’s sleep more, people!) But this was grunt work that I didn’t appreciate doing.

But I had no choice. I am the ICT rep of my department and facilitating online learning is part of my job scope. If not me, then who?

Don’t get me wrong. I relish designing online lessons that tap on my creative reservoir of novel ideas. I think it’s a worthwhile endeavour because maybe it will appeal to some students and value-add to their learning. But forming online groups? Hell no.

Maybe I’m conceited to think that such tasks are beneath me. But I don’t really want to reframe the situation. I just want to clench my teeth and utter Aaaaarrrrgggghhh.

The afternoon didn’t go as smoothly as I would have hoped. I was trying to compile the salient points from two documents and consolidate them under one place. But alas, it was co-curricular time. And my Co-Teacher In Charge engaged me in a discussion about the food we needed to procure for our dance students.

You see, they had to stay back after school next week for extra rehearsals, so of course we had to make sure that their huge appetites get satiated. Hangry teens. Trust me, you won’t want to go there.

But securing their physiological needs meant that I went home without completing my document. Didn’t do well enough to manage the curveballs thrown at me today.

I think I have worked long enough to understand that the world doesn’t revolve around my specific (and quirky?) needs. But being in my 40s, it’s getting harder for me to willingly submit myself to the system. I don’t have many good working years left, you know. I just want to do things that have purpose and passion. Is that too much to ask?

And nope, I’m not undergoing a mid-life crisis. 😜