I read this just after you published it... I wanted to comment but I had to close SN in tears. It's unimaginable the amount of suffering we have to face as human beings. For what it's worth, I have also faced similar situations in my life and I have come to the conclusion that suffering is not in vain, that pain is transformed into something greater. Hang in there and you will see that everything will turn out for the best in the end.