This is Chapter 22 of The Universal Good Deal, you may want to start at the beginning or go back to Chapter 21.

It is said of Flinders that he never waited in an Alien line. But this is not accurate. A more accurate statement is that he never bought what the Aliens were selling. He was one of a handful of Martians on Earth who never purchased any of the many wares proffered by the Aliens. Instead, he wanted to sell something to them, which was why he did end up in one of the very long lines in front of their spaceships. Flinders found himself reduced to pretending to buy a lava lamp in order to speak to the Aliens. When it was finally his turn, he began with Crusoe.

'Do you know the story of Robinson Crusoe?' he asked.

The Alien replied that he did not, and asked how many lava lamps Flinders wanted to buy.

'Great story,' Flinders continued. 'Shipwreck on an island, ingenuity, drama, and the biggest footprint in human history—I would have thought people in your line of work would recognize its commercial importance.'

'Our lava lamps contain genuine lava,' said the Alien.

'The moral of the story is that bad things are good for you,' said Flinders. 'You could all stand a lesson in that. You're too successful. It's not good for business. It's never a good idea to take all your customers' money. You gotta leave them enough to come back tomorrow. Lucky for you, helping people do badly is what I do. We could work out a deal.'

'If you aren't going to purchase anything,' said the Alien. 'Please let us speak with the next paying customer.'

'How long do you think you can keep it up?' said Flinders. 'If you're too big a leech, you kill your host.'

'Please leave,' said the Alien.

'Look man,' said Flinders, 'I cut a lot of slack to anyone who hasn't read Robinson Crusoe.¹ Call me when you change your mind.'

Flinders left without buying any lava lamps.