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1871 sats \ 26 replies \ @Undisciplined 2 Jan \ on: On starting a family Ask_SN
You definitely need to find the right woman, but everything else on your list can come in time. Starting a family is daunting and you'll find there's no end to the reasons to put it off.
I think people, myself included, make a mistake by intentionally delaying family formation. If you know you're going to want a family, I advise working towards it ASAP.
The biggest reason to get started as early as possible is that you get more time with your kids and grandkids before you die and they get more time with you. Once you start your family, it will probably dwarf everything else in your life in importance, so you should be trying to maximize how much of it you get.
Other reasons:
- Parenting is physically difficult, so it's easier with a young body (especially for women).
- Conception becomes more difficult with age (especially for women), so you might not be able to have the family you were hoping for.
- If your and your wife's parents are alive, then your kids will get more time with their grandparents and your parents will get more time with their grandkids.
- Everyday, potential spouses are getting married. Maybe the right woman won't be available anymore.
- You'll be younger when your kids grow up, so you can still travel and enjoy all the stuff you'd be doing while single, once they leave the house.
Seems like this is one of those things where you're never really ready -- the goalposts will always move, you'll always want to be a little more certain, so beyond some very obvious criteria (e.g., don't be living under a bridge; don't be addicting to heroin), if you're gonna do it, you should do it.
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Yeah, like some others commented already; Take the jump, most of the doubts and questions will answer themselves after.
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Here is where arranged marriages have an advantage. IDEALISTICALLY. Maybe not practically.
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Supposedly, there's no statistically significant difference between arranged marriages and whatever type of marriages we have.
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Read Thomas Sowell and then discuss statistics.
Two families coming together to link up is very powerful. Especially when shit gets rough there are coaches available to help transition.
But....
Not having "X" , a certain variable, is more of an excuse for failure than an attempt at success.
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My PhD covered more statistics than Sowell's did. Maybe just make your point, instead of being shitty.
All I was referencing is something I heard about mean failure rates of the two types of marriages.
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If it's not part of your culture then it's an idea.
My experience has been two marriages.
My second one is almost 16 years and we still are affectionate with each other.
My first marriage I was young but also I was a very broken person.
I recommend working on yourself and doing exactly what you have done as in putting your goals out there.
Writing by hand is even more powerful as it takes many parts of your mind and brain to do this. This aligns with reality quite nicely. When you talk to women if they don't get your goals then let them go. If they have similar goals then it means you are going to the same place.
As far as the house goes, it's her cave, not yours so don't give it to just any woman. She must be worthy. Once it's given then it's hers. So if she is not frugal then you will be broke. If you are not frugal she may help but you better get frugal quick.
I'd also recommend developing a personal spiritual (breath rite) that is yours. This will help when you get lost.
Praying is good, too. Your own prayer, not some nonsense someone else uses, unless you need to borrow some nonsense, then it's coaching.
I wish you success!
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Valid comment, I agree with you.
Any idea where I can order the right woman? Preferably within the EU, otherwise postage fees would quickly rise out of the pan.
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Sorry, I met my wife in high school multiple decades ago. I have no idea how kids today meet people.
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Aww, me neither! What a bummer.
Most only meet to fuck around (literally) and make drama afterwards, not my thing.
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If by some chance you meet someone you really like, hang on for dear life.
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Respectful charming perseverance
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