99% of "stolen" coins were practically handed over on a silver platter or they were sitting in plain sight (using bad entropy).

99% of "lost" coins would have been just fine on a piece of paper in a safe at home. But the holder got too paranoid and locked themselves out somehow.

Whoever sold you a HWW is profiting off your paranoia. Keeping a secret doesn't require a fancy calculator. You're doing just fine bro.