My metrics are not arbitrary, they are the result of around five years of running a node. Feel free to suggest changes, it's open source. Aside from that, who's reimbursing me for the stuck sats (opportunity cost)? You?

C_Otto

lightning

Etiquette for closing channels?

LN was supposed to reduce onchain footprint, yet you have people who close your channels because they are not performing too well according to arbitrary metrics. 

Closing channels: generate onchain transactions. 
Also is useless to try and keep balanced channels. This will "debalance" others channels. 