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We have owned lots of dogs of all kinds throughout my life. We have professionals working with dogs in our family too. So we have lots of first hand exposure to the subject.
There are many theories around dog "management". It's like diets. But most of them are complete and total bollocks. It's extremely hard to find good advice, because people tend to invent theories about everything that's complex enough and they don't fully understand. Even professional trainers often can give you terrible advice. Having said all that, here is my advice starting with theory, which is necessary because practical advice can't cover all situations but with a solid theory you can figure out the correct course of action yourself by applying the fundamental theory:
  1. DOG JOY. A dog is a huge joy in life. It's something everyone who can handle it should experience in their life at least once. But there are caveats:
  2. INVEST TIME. It's only joy if you build up the dog to be a companion that you want them to be. You have to work on it by building your own and their habits. It's not a good idea to just have it and let things fold out on their own. I specifically say this, because you mentioned "you can't own a living being", which suggests you would want to give it most space possible. (referring to this post: #340068) It is most likely that things will go haywire that way. If you have no time or interest to invest in managing your dogs, don't have a dog. You will save yourself a lot of trouble and sats. And that's not all:
  3. SAVE A DOG FROM SUFFERING. If you don't manage your dog properly it's not just bad for you, but it's also very bad for the dog. Many dogs live in poor physical and mental conditions with owners who don't know what they are doing. These owners inadvertently put the dogs into roles they can't fulfill and thus cause the dog to continously be stressed and have the worst life. So again, even if you don't mind inconveniences and the money for yourself, only get a dog if you're willing to invest time and attention for the dog's sake. First, let's see what people get wrong:
  4. DON'T GET A DOG TO FILL IN FOR HUMANS. "Dog-human relationship no same human-human relationship." The dog can be your best friend with more empathy and understanding than most people imagine, but at the same time it's an animal with less complexity and intelligence, so you get a raw and "prehuman" version of a relationship. It's a bit like going for a hike and experiencing raw nature. It's wonderful but also rough. Therefore, don't get a dog to replace missing human love in your life. If you feel you are missing a partner, a friend, the dog won't likely fill in that hole. It will dig a different hole. šŸ˜‰ So what are they like?
  5. DOGS NEED STRUCTURE. Dog's are not like humans that need space or freedom to act the way they feel like and to grow into themselves. They don't need to be given a choice of foods, the option to take a walk in a direction of their choosing, the freedom to chose their place where they rest, etc. Dogs are not happy with more freedom, like humans. Dogs are pack animals and the core of their happiness comes from being in a pack, knowing their place, and being certain about the competence of their alpha. Of course they enjoy food, playing, play hunting, etc. but that's all secondary. You ensure the core happiness is fullfilled and all else falls into place. So how?
  6. THE BIG MISUNDERSTANDING. "Dog love and friendship" is grounded in a huge fundamental misunderstanding between us and dogs. And 90% of dog owners will fight me over this idea, because it's uncomfortable truth. But it's the truth nevertheless. Dogs don't "love" you. They act in accordance to their programming which tells them how to act in a pack. For example, when they lick you, that's a behaviour to show they respect you as alpha (leader) in the pack. You can observe puppies doing that in the presence of other adult unrelated dogs too to show they accept the big dog's higher standing and to say: "I'm not challenging you. You're boss". Yet, people think it's a "kiss" to express love. Many otherĀ pack and general dog behaviours are misunderstoodĀ and antropomorphised by humans. It gets worse...
  7. MISUNDERSTANDING PART 2. It is not only humans who misunderstand dogs, it's also dogs misunderstand humans. For example, the same "kissing" of a dog by a human is not interpreted as love by the human to be recipricated with good behaviour by the dog. It's interpreted as an giving up your alpha status and offering it up to the dog. Now, the poor dog has no choice but take on the challenge to become the alpha of the pack (your family). That's a huge problem, because they are not equipped to be the alpha of a typical family. They can't effectively guard the family because they can't tell the postman from a burglar. They can't lead the hunt for food, because they don't have a credit card to pay at the supermarket. They can't enforce good behaviour because you insist to eat at your leisure, not when given permission. Their inability to do their job you gave them will give them stress, anxiety and unhappiness. Just don't do it. So what to do?
  8. BE AN ALPHA. Make sure you signal to your dog that you're the alpha in a language they understand. Primarily not verbally, but behaviourally. This may come off as heartless and taking away their freedom, but you must remember it's good for them and the alternative is constant anxiety. So, you need to signal you're the alpha and they are the very last member of the pack, behind everyone else in your household. Even your cat if you have one. Take ALL their responsibilities away this way, and let them be just a loyal follower giving them clear instructions on what to do and when, and you get the happiest and best behaving dog ever. This is not an option, but the only way to make your family dog (or working dog for that matter) happy. They will be satisfied with their dog ego every time they do what you say, every time they relax knowing you are taking care of everything. But wouldn't that make the dog a useless slave?
  9. RELIEVE YOUR DOG OF RESPONSIBILITY. A happy dog without the alpha responsibility doesn't mean it's useless and powerless. Quite the opposite. Now, they can focus on what they can do best. For example, all pack members are going to alert the entire pack if they hear an intruder by barking, which is what you want as their hearing and smell is 10,000x better than yours. But then, they will wait for your reaction. If you say, "it's allright, it's just the neighbour's cat, not a burglar", they will go back to sleep without questioning you. Alternatively, you can let them out to investigate by saying "go check!" and they will happily run into potential danger to protect the pack. If there is an introder and you're in fight mode they will join in without thinking and kill the intruder if you allow them. Far from useless, they will do everything you want, and none that you don't. But what about common issues?
  10. DOG PROBLEMS. Chewing on your sofa, inability to walk calmly, growling around their food, etc. all common problems that are all rooted in them thinking they have to play the role of the alpha and not being able to do so. Remove the core issue and every symptom will fall away. As an example, they can't walk calmly because they want to be ahead of the pack (like an alpha) and chase down food (squirrels), rather than following your lead (literally) and waiting for your command to initiate (or not) a hunt. You can't touch their food because they have the role of an alpha and they have to enforce the pecking order. They are not "food agressive" or some other bullshit word people use. They are playing out their encoded role that served them well for hundreds of thousands of years, and they don't understand that the rules of the game have changed and they have to be courteous to their human servant. It's not their fault they are growling around food, poorly trained owners are at fault. Yes, it's about training the owner, as much as training the dog. So what do you do?
  11. FOLLOW THE RULES. There are several things you need to do when raising a dog or retraining an adult dog. Here is a non-exhaustive list that should be sufficient to signal your alpha status. This is not a one-time thing, but a continous behaviour you need to get used to as an owner. Develop these habits:
  12. MEETING DOGS. When you meet any dog (your own or your friends') in any situation (even on their own turf), you do not talk to it, you don't look at it, you don't touch it. As Ceaser Milan, a faboulusĀ self trained "dog whisperer" says: "No touch, no talk, no eye contact". This is to signal to the dog that you don't care about their presence. You act as you want and you don't accept their attempt to put you in your place (below them). If they jump on you or try to engage, you gently remove yourself from the situation and continue the conversation calmly with the other human if they are present or just do your own thing. You maintain this strategy until they calm down completely, which may take 30 seconds to several minutes. If you want, only at this point you can invite the dog and pet it and talk to it. This what an alpha dog or wolf would do in nature too, not because they want to project, but because they actually don't give a shit about other dogs, they can afford to do so as they are stronger, and finally because they are busy with more important things.
  13. GETTING A PUPPY. OK, so you got your puppy. Everyone is excited, but dogs and especially puppies need a lot of sleeping time. Don't wake it and drag it around. Kids love doing that. Don't let your kids abuse the puppy. Only play when the puppy is asking for it, and don't be disappointed if it's only 15 minutes of play time. If you abuse it, it will develop a habit of defending itself from humans. Poor start that I've seen plenty of times.
  14. HOUSE TRAINING. Start house training it immediately. As soon as the puppy wakes up it will pee. Make sure you're there to take him outside where you want it, every time. Eventually it will go on its own. It's that simple in theory, but in practice you have to literally watch when it wakes up. Requires a lot of time and attention. By doing this you also establish a rule that you make the rules, not them.
11.D. HOWLING. Puppies will howl initially, because it's a call for the lost pack. It can be very cute but it's stressful for them. Make sure they don't feel alone by if necessary sleeping close to them at night. It will make them feel safer and you again establish that you are there for them as an alpha taking care of their safety.
  1. FEEDING. As the puppy gets older, make sure you eat first and the dog sees you eating. If they complain, tell them "OFF!" and return to your food. Eventually they will learn that you have priority, and you guessed it, you're the alpha. You can literally give them your leftovers to reinforce they get the leftovers. They will be very happy with it, becuase they get to eat what the alpha eats. Never feed them first, before you eat. It's best not to give bits while you eat because that will train them to hang around the table while you eat, which will be annoying when you have guests over who are not so comfortable with the dog as you are.
  2. EXITING THE HOUSE. When you start your walk, as ridiculous as it sounds, ensure you exit the door and the gate of your property first and force them to go second or last if you are several people. This is another signal you're leading the pack. Same goes when returning home. You enter first at all times.
  3. WALKING THE DOG. If they pull, stop, correct them, and keep a short leash very high on their neck so it isĀ immediately uncomfortable for them to pull. Don't use harness or such comfortable things. The leash should be your device to control your dog even if it's twice as strong as you're. This practice will make the walk initially very annoying and long, but this is the way for leasurely stroll that you both enjoy down the line, instead of insane pulling that will be annoying like hell.
  4. SHOW THE DOG WHERE TO RELIEVE THEMSELVES. Don't let the dog pee wherever they want. You lead them to a good location and tell them to pee there. They will learn and you further reinforce your status. You will also avoid inconvenient looks and anger from other people who don't want dog pee on their curb.
  5. COMMANDS. Teach your dog to sit. Say the command "SIT" and push their butt down. Reward. Do it every day many times, then ocassionally don't give food. Eventually, replace food with words "GOOD BOY". This is an important command to learn, because it tells the dog to back off and relax from a stressful situation on command. And it teaches them again, to follow your lead. Every time you make them sit you reinforce who is boss.
  6. MEETING OTHER DOGS. When you come across other dog owners, don't pull on the leash fearing the worst. You are the alpha, you decide which dog is a danger and which one is not. If you don't want to meet, keep the leash short and confidently walk away. If you do want to meet, let the leash loose and don't be stressed, instead project a very relaxed mood by talking to the other dog owner (not their dog) and letting the two dogs sniff each other. If your dog is aggressive, calmly tell them off and make them sit. If you do this from an early age, you won't have a problem when the dog is large and strong. Always make sure you leave a dog meet situation only when emotions calmed down and both dogs are relaxed. Don't leave in the middle of a fight or that will make it worse. It will signal to the dog that you couldn't handle the situation despite their best efforts.
  7. SLEEPING. At night you tell the dog where to sleep. Don't let them sleep on your bed unless your alphaness is very clearly established in other ways and you enjoy them being on the bed. It's best you create a comfortable and safe spot for them, like a den. You tell them to "COME HERE" and show with your hands to lie down.
  8. GUESTS. Before someone comes to your house as a guest, in advance you explain them the "No touch, no speak, no eye contact" concept and they should follow it. You need to be relaxed and talk to the guest so the dog can sense there is no danger and it's a new (temporary) pack member. It will help you avoid any problems, and your guest will think your dog is wonderfully well behaved.
  9. MORE TRAINING FOR YOU. Watch Ceaser Milan's shows to see all these ideas in practice. He used to teach basic dog handling, but nowadays of course he's ventured into difficult dog cases, but he still follows the same basic rules outlined above (more or less). https://www.youtube.com/@CesarMillanOfficial
  10. LET GO. Enjoy the experience of owning a dog once your alphaness is established. You can let go of being the alpha occasionally and hug and play, which is what real dog or wolf alphas would do too. Also, if you fail to follow the rules, don't give up. Just start over and over until all rules are part of your habits.
  11. BE UNDERSTANDING TOWARDS OTHER DOGS. Be compassionate towards other dogs who have owners who have no idea what they are doing. Itā€™s usually not the dogā€™s fault when they are nuts. Poor chihuahuas are given the role to be alphas by their owners, yet they are so small and powerless. They are doing their best, but it's just an impossible task... No wonder they are frustrated out of their minds.
  12. DOG COMPANIONS. No, dogs don't need another dog. They consider you a dog. And you together a pack. The bigger the pack the more fun and safer, but also more difficult emotionally to navigate. No necessity to get a companion dog for your dog.
Happy to hear what you disagree with! šŸ˜…
Thank you great points
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Really throughout description for a healthy relationship with your pets.
I had various dogs and other animals in my life and I can confirm that, animals are animals and humans are humans.
You should give them your love in a way they can understand and respect their nature to the fullest.
To achieve that the most important skill to develop is observation, look at any action and reaction and try to understand how they see the world.
Once you understand what drives an animal to act in a certain way, it'll be easier to get friendly with them, both domesticated and wild animals.
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you'll want to walk your dog a few times, even better if you can foster them for a month before deciding. My dog (a husky) pulls like crazy on a leash and it's made me feel the next dog will be a dachsund.
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Fantastic post! I hope I soon get the ability to pin this.
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This is amazing. Really beneficial
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Fantastic doggy wisdom! Your alpha tips are paw-sitively on point. Thanks for the tail-wagging advice :)
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Learned a lot, thank you!
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Consider him 2
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That's a lot of words.
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Book recommendation: And man met the dogs. (Konrad Lorenz.)
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Btw, sorry for the grammar and formattingĀ errors. I was gonna edit, but I was too late.
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