For my Bitcoin node, I don't use any pre-packed node software. I built my own. I have used Umbrel and Start9. I would recommend both. Umbrel is more user friendly. Start9 is more robust, but less user friendly. If you want to learn about Linux and build your own node you can follow this guide. https://v2.minibolt.info/ I ran Umbrel for nearly 3 years, StartOS for a week, and then built my own because I'm a power user and wanted to do more.

For a Nostr relay, I've been using the Nostream relay since last December. It's easy to run, if you're familiar with Linux and docker. Here's an older guide, it's for a paid relay, but you can just not turn on that option. https://andreneves.xyz/p/how-to-setup-a-paid-nostr-relay