I am in the ZEUS + Umbrel camp. My current set up. Just open one channel make a large payment or swap out and boom works extremely well.

I also had issues with tailscale. I guess a bug was not allowing me to access my node outside of my home network but recent updates fixed that issue for me.

LNC with lightning labs seem to work well for some. LNC used to work for me but now it doesn’t.

Still no ez button solutions to this problem but current solutions are effective if you can stomach the technical issues.

With that said keep an eye out for BitKit. What they are building seems very user friendly with self custody as the base principal for the services they hope to deliver