Hark! Gather 'round, as a tale I will tell Of what hoary and grisly ghouls do dispell, From that place unseen, so deep and foreign, A place tucked into every kitchen corner, Where utensils and toothpicks shamefully hide, And some gristles of meat from only God-knows what time.

My arm I did reach in to find the corkscrew, After a months-long term from drink I eschewed, And down it went, down like an egg down the drain, And a pit there discover'd--none of this I'd dare feign-- Of the rancidest, dankest, most-fouled comportment, Visions causing of the most vile assortment. And the heav'ns cracked open, their white marble crumbled, Like a flash in the night as thunder rumbles, Janus-faced, mine became split in two, Bearing witness to what no living soul knew;

It was there I decided, as my arm I retracted From that horrible place in the drawer That that damned corkscrew, Deservedly, shall be banished forever! Though its memory alone, and that kitchen corner Shall haunt me forevermore!