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My fifth graders have to sit for an essay writing competition. It is no stroll in the park because they not only have to base their story on a picture, but also write to address a theme.
They are not natural writers, so it would be a Herculean task trying to stretch them to write intriguing plots with sophisticated vocabulary and elaborate descriptions. I realise that I need to leverage short sentences that deliver a mighty powerful punch. So, my attempt is listed below. Ngl, I used ChatGPT to make it easier for my students to digest after I had written my first draft. That’s why you can see italicized phrases; they belonged to my original effort.
——— “I’m not going to pass (make it for) the Japanese Language Proficiency Test,” I groaned heavily. I stared in dismay at the books on my study table. My examination was approaching, but I still did not understand many things. I felt that this problem would just eat me alive.
I was doomed. My heart sank.
I decided to run to clear my head. While running, I thought about how I could solve this problem. I analysed my situation. I had very little time and too much content to cover. Desperate, I needed to apply effective study habits.
I used the Pomodoro technique; studying for just 25 minutes enhanced my concentration. I also started to revise my work before sleeping. Sleeping on the material helped me remember new words.
However, disaster struck. (a spanner was thrown into the works.) My school needed me to organise a summer camp for eager students. My study time got trimmed like the crew cut that was trending among boys these days. I tried not to panic.
Determined to stay in control, I trimmed the fat from my schedule. No more video games. No more social media. I brought my notebook everywhere and studied every time I could.
The day of the examination arrived. The questions were difficult, but I doggedly tried my best. I just did not want any regrets.
After the examination, I resumed my life. However, I had to get used to the frantically flapping butterflies in my stomach. The day of the results release finally arrived. I opened the envelope.
Woah! I passed!
Tears of joy fell down my cheeks. I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
This incident taught me the importance of sheer resolve. Since I never wavered in my determination, I could apply problem-solving skills to secure a pass. If I never gave up, there was no problem I could not solve. I was delighted to have become more resilient.
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59 sats \ 1 reply \ @dot 5h
My friend, problems like these often share a similar solution structure. If you’d like, I can share it with you. I also teach my students the basic structure first. Then, based on their own experience and imagination, they can create diverse and rich stories.
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Yes, pls do!
Glad to meet another teacher here!
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48 sats \ 1 reply \ @billytheked 6h
Well done! It is definitelty clear enough for your students to understand and you demonstrated the basic story arch elements, which I tried to outline below ...
(I had to access the memory archives from my ninth grade English class for this one; how'd I do?)

[Some character exposition]
“I’m not going to pass (make it for) the Japanese Language Proficiency Test,” I groaned heavily. I stared in dismay at the books on my study table. My examination was approaching, but I still did not understand many things. I felt that this problem would just eat me alive.
I was doomed. My heart sank.
[Rising action]
I decided to run to clear my head. While running, I thought about how I could solve this problem. I analysed my situation. I had very little time and too much content to cover. Desperate, I needed to apply effective study habits.
I used the Pomodoro technique; studying for just 25 minutes enhanced my concentration. I also started to revise my work before sleeping. Sleeping on the material helped me remember new words.
[Conflict]
However, disaster struck. (a spanner was thrown into the works.) My school needed me to organise a summer camp for eager students. My study time got trimmed like the crew cut that was trending among boys these days. I tried not to panic.
Determined to stay in control, I trimmed the fat from my schedule. No more video games. No more social media. I brought my notebook everywhere and studied every time I could.
The day of the examination arrived. The questions were difficult, but I doggedly tried my best. I just did not want any regrets.
After the examination, I resumed my life. However, I had to get used to the frantically flapping butterflies in my stomach. The day of the results release finally arrived. I opened the envelope.
Woah! I passed!
[Climax]
Tears of joy fell down my cheeks. I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
[Resolution]
This incident taught me the importance of sheer resolve. Since I never wavered in my determination, I could apply problem-solving skills to secure a pass. If I never gave up, there was no problem I could not solve. I was delighted to have become more resilient.
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So flattered that you took my writing so seriously. This is all the validation I need haha
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