Bitter Truth vs Sweet Lie: I'm Losing My Mind

The truth hurts. It's seems cruel. It's sitting in my face right now, telling me that I've messed up, that I'm not good enough, that I need to stop pretending anymore. I hate it. I hate the way it presses so hard in my chest.

But the lie… oh, the lie it appears so kind. The lie it soothes me. It says, "Shhh, it's alright. You're okay. Don't worry." I want to believe it so badly. It's like sugar—sweet, addicting, comforting. And yet I know it's poison and killing me slowly. Sweet poison.

I'm conflicted in the middle. My head is muddled. My heart is drained. One half of me craves the truth, craves to rise up and meet it head-on, regardless if it hurts me. The other half just craves silence, comfort, something simple, something which won't make me bleed inside.

At times I wonder if this is what losing one's mind feels like— To be torn between pain that is real and fantasies that heal. Both drawing. Both gaining. Both losing. And me? Merely stuck.

I do not know which I will do tomorrow. Perhaps I will wake up braver. Perhaps I will stay under the coverlet of deceptions. All I do know is that: the truth is bitter, the falsehood is sweet, and I'm somewhere in the middle…falling.