My brother got divorced this year. It came as a shock to everyone, because his marriage had been going good for around 10 years. In 2019 I went to Vegas with him and his wife and some friends. We gambled, shot big guns, shared a birthday cake. At that time it was clear they loved each other. Cutest couple ever. They completed each other.

Covid happened, mass hysteria ensued, and my sister-in-law forgot to take her birth control pills. She got pregnant. My brother seemed angry at first but after their first child was born, those emotions changed. "He loves her more than air" said my then sister-in-law.

The company he worked for sold to a bigger company. He butted heads with the new management and eventually decided to spin off a new company with some co-workers. He worked more hours, had more stress, and made less money. His marriage started to fall apart.

Money is the #1 reason why marriages fail.

I think my brother would be in denial about money being the issue. I think my brother would sooner blame greedy billionaires or the nanny state. I've seen it more than once, where the man in the marriage blames something other than himself for the marriage not going well.

One public example of this phenomenon is this guy Jaimie Mantzel on youtube. I started watching him 10+ years ago and he was all about building stuff and having good philosophy. "You should always look to yourself first" when looking for the problem is what he used to say. In recent years, he took a complete 180. His youtube income was slipping and he blamed feminism for the problems he was having in his long-time relationship. No idea what he's up to today, I quit watching after he sliced his arm open with a power tool (alleged suicide attempt.)

Anyway, back to my brother and his divorce. It pains me to know that his daughter is going to have to grow up being juggled back and forth between homes, and now daycare. Her mother has returned to the workforce and she seems incredibly stressed physically and mentally. Both she and my brother have lost a concerning amount of weight.

They're each seeing other people now. My niece is going to grow up confused about why mommy and daddy got split up. I've heard from peers with divorced parents that they blamed themselves for their parent's splitting up. True or not, she's going to have to deal with those same feelings and it brings me so much sadness.

Look, I'm just a random guy on the internet, but please, work on yourself. Show me your proof of work that you improved what you have control of, namely yourself, your emotions, and how you react to things outside of your control. Do that first before you decide to throw away a long term partnership and cause ripples of grief within your family and your community.