Parents Corner: Objectiveness and Stoicism in Sweden \ stacker news ~alter

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Parents Corner: Objectiveness and Stoicism in Sweden

691 sats \ 11 comments \ @Heisenbergbitcoin 21h alter_native

Taking the plunge and writing my first post after being here for about two weeks !

I am an immigrant in Sweden and have lived here for 5+ years. A considerable amount of time to make some observations. In this post I want to talk about two of the traits of Swedish people, objectivism and stoicism, along with an example. This trait is in stark contrast to my home country. People to a large extent here prefer to speak only about factual things and almost abstain from talking about their feelings, opinions, advice, friendly banter, and casual talk.

At the workplace this could be fine. Because anyway you go there to do a job. But in personal life, it feels like you’re in a robot land. It takes years to just be invited for a tea.

An example, was that just yesterday I had to take my toddler daughter for the first day at Pre-school. They have a system where the parents accompany the kid for the first two weeks to help them settle into the playschool. A neat concept, which they call in-schooling. Both me and my wife were tad anxious and nervous being first time parents. And we asked a lot of questions. Notably during one of the questions we told them that our daughter is at the stage where she wants to climb stuff and there many things such as chairs and sofa in the Pre school. So we requested them to please keep an eye on her. The teacher’s reply just made our anxiety 100x. She said “We have seen many children fall from the sofa. We can’t do much. “ I understand the fact behind the sentence. Everyone knows children fall. The statement is so dry and factual. And objectively we also know this. All we were looking for was assurance. People in my home country would have for 100% said something along the lines of “Hey, don’t worry we will make the best effort to keep them safe”. I feel the emotional quotient is very low among the people. And I think it is a result of the society. The interesting fact was that the teacher was also from one of the warmer cultures.

Would love to hear thoughts/opinions from fellow stackers !

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0 sats \ 0 replies \ @Catcher 19h

I’m not entirely sold on Stoicism, but I’ve noticed a similar mindset here in Germany. It’s interesting how many people seem to approach problem-solving in a way that feels narrow and unimaginative. The general thought process seems to go like this:

Problem → Can I solve it with the standard methods I know? → If not, is there some professional who can solve it for me? → If not, it’s unsolvable.

In contrast, in my country, the process often looks more like this:

Problem → Can I solve it? → What if I Google it? → What if I ask for help? → What if I try an unconventional, risky, or even illegal solution? → If not, is there some professional who can solve it for me? - If not, repeat from start.

I think Europeans are more advanced in the division of labour

0 sats \ 3 replies \ @denlillaapan 19h

Factual, to-the-point, and in this case a basic sentiment of antifragility: it is good for kids to explore and fall.

Have you tried feeling differently? I want to ask

0 sats \ 2 replies \ @Heisenbergbitcoin OP 19h

Yes. I understand. I have also stated it in the post. “Everyone knows that children fall”. All I expect was some reassuring words to a parent on their first day ! It doesn’t cost to be kind.

0 sats \ 1 reply \ @Signal312 18h

I'll bet the preschool has been through the whole cycle.

Version 1 1 - "sure, we'll do our best to make sure your child doesn't fall" 2 - child falls, cries, parents are upset, accuses the preschool of not doing a good job 3 - everyone unhappy

Version 2 1 - "kids fall, it's normal". 2 - child falls, cries, parents are a little upset but realize that kids are going to fall

I think the second scenario is preferable.

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @Heisenbergbitcoin OP 17h

I think for me the version 1 stops at step 1. I don’t get upset if the child falls. In fact she fell multiple times on the playground on the second day. And I even let her get up by herself. So it’s not about the actual actions. It’s about how it’s conveyed. So I do understand that it’s normal.

0 sats \ 1 reply \ @Undisciplined 19h

I wonder if it has something to do with the climate and setting. Where I'm from, people are fairly dispassionate as well.

33 sats \ 0 replies \ @Heisenbergbitcoin OP 19h

I think climate plays a significant role. Historically Swedish people have grown to be clustered in small groups and communities or even living in solitude to protect resources and survive through harsh winters. This is why they converse in a limited fashion.

0 sats \ 1 reply \ @OT 20h

Would you say that is Stoicism? I might view it as straight talking.

I had no idea Sweden was like that. I thought that was more Germany and Switzerland who do that kind of stuff. At least they're being honest. I probably would have felt something similar to you guys too!

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @Heisenbergbitcoin OP 19h

I used the word stoicism to mean that there is minimal to no display of emotion. You are right about Germany and Switzerland. However, Sweden is a more subtle version of that magnitude. After having lived in Germany I can easily say that I think the straightforwardness there is almost on the level of almost being rude. Sweden is a slightly more polite and objective straightforwardness devoid of emotion. Hope that helps you locate Sweden on the spectrum.

0 sats \ 1 reply \ @fm 21h

Yeah.. cultural differences do exist.. Maybe, just maybe, stereotypes dont make themselves.. And despite knowing stereotypes are just that, its funny to observe these cultural differences. I worked for Japanese and German people.. What a difference. Also met many people from northen countries.. Another big difference. End of the day, guess we have to be happy not to be all the same

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @Heisenbergbitcoin OP 19h

I totally understand the cultural differences. But it has been a struggle to navigate.