Why have kids? \ stacker news ~ideasfromtheedge

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1278 sats \ 43 comments \ @cryotosensei 5 Jan ideasfromtheedge

zaps forwarded to @bief57 (21%)

I’m sure I’m not the only parent asking myself this question. Because if we are to do a rational cost-benefit analysis, children are more of a liability than an asset. They expend valuable resources and demand precious energy. There is no telling whether they will turn out well even if you practise the low time preference principle and nurture them patiently.

The recent spate of events has made me feel things that have given me a fresh perspective. In December, the son wore hakama (male kimono) for the first time during his photo shoot to commemorate Shinchi-Go-Three The dust has barely settled on Christmas when we hustled to usher in Japanese New Year on 1st January. Already, my son is looking forward to Chinese New Year that falls on end January this year.

His enthusiasm is palpable. He dusted off his lion head replica, brought along another movable lion dance toy for a walk downstairs, and is watching all his favourite lion dance videos repeatedly on YouTube. Flashbacks of Chinese New Year 2024 flooded my senses; it was as if it had never ended.

Then, I realised one great point of having kids: it deepens our commitment to life.

If I were childfree, I probably wouldn’t have bothered to partake in the rituals that mark various festivals. I certainly wouldn’t have gone to the extent of decorating a Christmas tree or visiting the local temple on the first day of the new year. But the very presence of children imbues festivals with a mission-like significance. Parents are not only motivated by the desire to give their children a happy childhood, but are also keen to impart a sense of cultural identity. Celebrating these festivals takes on a deeper meaning. They are no longer going through the motions.

Children’s boundless energy and enthusiasm act as a buffer against the wearing down of the self due to adulting. Observing my children fight over the lion dance toy may be tiresome, but at the same time, their antics remind me that there is more to life than the daily grind. They remind me of the importance of taking time out to practise various customs.

So, excuse me while I indulge in another lion dance video with my boy.

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68 sats \ 5 replies \ @User21000000 5 Jan

Having kids is the best thing to ever happen to me. Number four on the way two boys and soon to be two girls !

0 sats \ 1 reply \ @Msd0457890 5 Jan

Hahaha congratulations, you have a great challenge and a great prize at the same time.

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @User21000000 5 Jan

Never short of something to do

0 sats \ 2 replies \ @cryotosensei OP 5 Jan

Fess up, do you have a favourite child? Haha

24 sats \ 1 reply \ @User21000000 5 Jan

Haha no not really maybe one day but not yet

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @cryotosensei OP 5 Jan

Noted!

67 sats \ 3 replies \ @alt 5 Jan

I struggle to see what the point of life is if you don't have children (I include here adopting and fostering children, as well as having biological offspring).

For a handful of people, they achieve something in life that could be said to leave a lasting legacy for society (for example someone like Isaac Newton, who's work is still profoundly useful today). For most people though, their general contribution to society will be minor at best.

Once you have children though, you impart something meaningful that could last generations: new human beings who can live, love, and contribute to society. You pass on not only your genes but your life philosophy, your attitudes, your ethics, and your children can learn, think, and adapt these gifts before hopefully passing them on to their own children.

Disclaimer: I don't have children, but my fiancée and I are planning to start trying this year.

10 sats \ 2 replies \ @Signal312 5 Jan

Good luck! One of the things I wish I'd known earlier in life is - I should have had more kids, and much sooner!

0 sats \ 1 reply \ @alt 5 Jan

This is the sentiment I'm seeing so often now.

People my own age (mid twenties) are not wanting children now, and not wanting as many. They want one, maybe two, and it's always "in a few years".

However when I speak to people older than me, in their forties and fifties, they all say they wished they had started having children sooner and that they wished they could have had more.

Luckily my fiancée is on the same page as me, we want kids and plenty of them!

10 sats \ 0 replies \ @Signal312 6 Jan

I love it. I wish you all the best, and tons of kids!

77 sats \ 5 replies \ @Manikese 5 Jan

Funny answer: so that I will have someone to wipe my ass and change my diaper when I am too old to control myself.

Actual answer: so that I could learn how to love and what true love really is.

24 sats \ 2 replies \ @ama 5 Jan

Funny answer: so that I will have someone to wipe my ass and change my diaper when I am too old to control myself.

I'm studying ways to set up a system to pay (well) in sats for that and the rest of the care I'll need when the time comes.

0 sats \ 1 reply \ @cryotosensei OP 5 Jan

Great forward thinking.

It will be cool to enrol into a nursing home together with my wife and some good friends haha

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @Signal312 5 Jan

Cool idea. But it probably won't work out the way you might think.

Here's what it seems like to me - as you age, people have wildly different levels of health. Some people are in awful health, and can't do anything. Others are fine. Seems like 8 out of 10 older people (over 70) are out of commission because of a major health issue, or are just about to have surgery, or are recovering from surgery. Or have to take care of an ailing family member.

So the likelihood that you'll be "in sync" is low.

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @JesseJames 5 Jan

TBH, when I get to that age/situation you can take me out... lol

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @cryotosensei OP 5 Jan

I’m depending on my wife to do that haha

Prior to fatherhood, I have had two colleagues advise me on handling students, stating your love must be unconditional. I remember fuming, what the hell do you mean by unconditional love?

But right now, I can tell you, yeah I know what unconditional love entails and feels like!

70 sats \ 5 replies \ @stack_harder 5 Jan

it's hardwired in our dna for one and I think for most people, they want to have kids to have some kind of a legacy, it's just a fundamental feature of living beings.

the conversations on kids being expensive and cost-benefit analysis are a product of fiat world. Sadly people's ability to store their economic value and comfortably find a place to live and raise a family has been so thoughtfully destroyed everywhere that it has fundamentally changed the way they think.

well, this applies to people that are thinkers, because paradoxically, poor people or people who can't afford kids, are the ones pumping them out. you could argue it's a perverse incentive of welfare states, but you see the same dynamic in poor countries with zero social net, so yeah.

i also think that people question having kids more now because we are a far more selfish and self-obsessed world, probably due to social media and the fact that it's everywhere. also, we have more opportunities like if you are a 20-something single guy with even a slither of rizz, you can quite easily hook up with a lot of women, it's easy to be hedonistic. we can travel, party every weekend, do whatever, cheap flights etc.

a guy who wanted to just chill and fuck women and party 100 years ago had to be super rich or be a literal rock star. he wasn't hopping on a quick flight for a sex holiday in Cancun. that sex holiday would have involved a sea cruise, a ton of stress, and multiple layers of BS upon arrival. and then you might die of some shitty disease or be drafted to a war.

so i think this appearance of options, especially for men, changes the way they think about starting a family and if they want to

14 sats \ 0 replies \ @Msd0457890 5 Jan

You have said something very true, the world has become selfish and empty and the commitment of relationships or love has been left in quotation marks. It is no longer known if love exists or if there really is commitment when taking the step of having sexual relations or being a parent.

14 sats \ 1 reply \ @Fabs 5 Jan

I largely agree with ya, yet I think it's also rooted in the fact that we don't belong to any real-world groups,- clans,- or villages anymore which demand certain things of us and give us certain guide rails to navigate with.

We're an unknown wheel in a world full of superficial acquaintances and strangers, and thus, idiots with even a slither of rizz might choose to easily hook up with a lot of women, instead of starting a traditional family- and they're too often applauded for that behavior as well (IMO).

Traditions and festivities ment to bring said close-knit communities together, have largely degraded into yet another commercial Sales-Event, where people either go to, spend and leave or have yet another load of unnecessary crap delivered to their doorsteps.

We're living in a free-for-all world, with the only real close-knit communities being our family- with even the latter being something not everyone can claim.

I think i'd have flourished in the time after 1950 - before the first computers were a thing, as those days where indeed better from a social- and societal standpoint. (Imo)

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @stack_harder 5 Jan

this is also true, probably why so many people are chronically depressed, despite being surrounded by people all the time.

the point about the family is true, you used to have families band together, grandma was there to help with kids and now, that;s IMO in large part to fiat, most people are having to work into their 70, kids have to move far, far away for a job or in the UK often, they want money to babysit or something. not all of course, but what a fucking shitshow!

10 sats \ 1 reply \ @cryotosensei OP 5 Jan

I agree with everything you said. Interestingly I work in a low-progress school n some of my students have 7/8 siblings, I kid you not. This, in expensive modern Singapore. I think that perhaps these parents weren’t pursuing higher education n hence, had the time and headspace to reproduce

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @stack_harder 5 Jan

They've been stacking babies lol how's the benefit system there?

56 sats \ 1 reply \ @SimpleStacker 5 Jan

Funny you bring up this topic in the way that you do. My kids are the opposite. They (like me) care very little about the holidays and traditions. They (like me) would rather stay home and play video games. But we still do traditional stuff for mom :)

But anyway, as to your original question. Wow, that is a multifaceted question with many answers. I'd argue that this question: "Why have kids?" is one of the most important questions facing advanced economies nowadays. It's also probably reveals one of the most ironic twists of fate brought about my modernism.

30 sats \ 0 replies \ @cryotosensei OP 5 Jan

Oh the sacrifices we make for those whom we love!

24 sats \ 1 reply \ @398ja 5 Jan

Then, I realised one great point of having kids: it deepens our commitment to life.

Beautifully said!

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @cryotosensei OP 5 Jan

Thank you!

24 sats \ 1 reply \ @piecover 5 Jan

Children are expensive that's true but we only see it this way because fiat is stealing everything from us including the affordability to have kids or a family. My grand parents used to be farmers they had 14 kids 10 survived, my parents had 3+5 I am about to have a 2nd. You see more time progress on a fiat standard the fewer kids we have and the more justification fiat comes up with to not have kids without addressing the root cause of the problem which is the stealing of purchasing power from the individual through money printing and govt corruptions.

6 sats \ 0 replies \ @cryotosensei OP 5 Jan

Congratulations on your second! He or she will bring additional dimensions of trouble and joy to your current setup.

It’s lucky that we have Bitcoin to help us step back n reevaluate our paradigms, huh

24 sats \ 1 reply \ @shadowybadger 5 Jan

Some very cool thoughts, thanks for sharing. I initially decided to have kids because I realized that consciousness is the ultimate gift, and I like gifting :)

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @cryotosensei OP 5 Jan

I’m with you on this one. Some people are hesitant to have children because the world is so f up. But I think, what happens if my son is the one who reduces climate change or curbs poverty or something haha

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @022fbc9cef 5 Jan

Having kids is the default, so there shouldn't be a "reason" to have them.

A father of 2 small ones here, going for a 3rd this year.

I always wanted to have children, as many as I could. Three is probably the most I can agree with my wife on, since we are not the youngest anymore and she is not as excited about children as I am (she also carries most of the burden overall).

Even though I know I cannot influence how they turn up, I see a lot of value in the process and in doing my part.

It is kind of incredible that there is an uninterrupted chain of life from the beginning of it to you, and the fact that you would end it for no good reason is just plain sad.

Humans are the most complex things in the universe (that we know of), and you can created a new one easily. Why would you NOT do it? Just to "enjoy" yourself? Why work if there is no one to do the work for? Why earn money if you can't spend it on your offspring?

Also, if the population collapses and there is much less people in the world (which seems like it sooner rather than later), than all the people focusing on a "career" will quickly loose their meaning in life.

There is no meaning without kids. Kids are the meaning. Everything is derived from the fact that there are other people. Make some, as many as you can.

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @brandonsbytes 5 Jan

Because children have abounding vitality, because they are in spirit fierce and free, therefore they want things repeated and unchanged. They always say, "Do it again"; and the grown-up person does it again until he is nearly dead. For grown-up people are not strong enough to exult in monotony. But perhaps God is strong enough to exult in monotony. It is possible that God says every morning, "Do it again" to the sun; and every evening, "Do it again" to the moon. It may not be automatic necessity that makes all daisies alike; it may be that God makes every daisy separately, but has never got tired of making them. It may be that He has the eternal appetite of infancy; for we have sinned and grown old, and our Father is younger than we. G.K. Chesterton

Not answering your question directly, but I feel like this quote is relevant. I this quote.

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @Msd0457890 5 Jan

Being a parent is a truly unique experience, being able to enjoy the little moments of magic that they transmit is surprising. Certainly being able to enjoy each one of them satisfies you as a parent and many people sometimes have the possibility of having children and don't do it, while there are many people who want it and can't, the world is sometimes very contradictory.

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @BitcoinIsTheFuture 5 Jan

Having two young kids has been amazing. It’s rewarding to spend time them and to coach/lead some of their activities. We are only on this planet a short time. Make the most of it!

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @gandules 5 Jan

Having children helps you travel to the future!

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @flat24 5 Jan

Thank you for sharing these thoughts. I sincerely agree with you completely, being parents and allowing ourselves to live the experience teaches us a lot. I also think that without my daughter, I would not be someone who is in charge of decorating a Christmas tree 🎄 or in charge of the Christmas festivities. Unfortunately, on this side of the world, that tradition and customs of the local culture have been lost. It is not common to see happy and excited children about cultural festivities, traditional dances and such things.

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @bief57 fwd 5 Jan

I love it when people ask this question, people always stay in limbo, silent for seconds before giving their answer. I get a nervous tic (metaphorically) when people say "you have to have children so that you have someone to take care of you when you're old", "I want to have children to preserve my family line or last name", the thing is, having children is no guarantee of anything, and how can you place such a responsibility on the shoulders of a future human being? The next questions are, do you really want to have children just for the sake of experiencing the greatest love that exists or is it just a "security" measure for your future?

There are many reasons and at the same time there are no reasons to have children. The answer to "why don't you want to have children?" has more varieties and logical reasons.

The desire to have children is purely biological. Here I am, after saying a thousand times that I didn't want to have any more children, that I only wanted to have a girl, now my uterus and my daughter are also pressuring me to bring another human being into the world. I try every day to weigh up the pros and cons of having another child and my biological instinct comes in to ruin all logical thinking, foundations and established facts.

Having children is physically, mentally, and financially exhausting, and at the same time they are your endless source of motivation, joy, and hope... at least now that they are small, but what about adolescence? I haven't reached that level yet.

Birthdays, Christmas, New Year's, Halloween only make sense to me, thanks to my daughter, because she is my motivation to give her magical moments, before her, for me they were insignificant dates.

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @79c9095526 5 Jan

I read The Selfish Gene by Richard Dawkins when I was in high school and it greatly shaped my understanding of the world and people in general. The key takeaway for me is that humans (just like every other living being) are just gene propagation machines.

We want to believe we are special (as individuals or as a species) but we're not. We are machinery that is purpose built (by evolution) to reproduce our genes. Nothing more, nothing less.

One thing I took away from this understanding is that while many people want to assign some mystical/special reasoning for why one should have kids, it is quite literally the most basic thing one could do. Practically every living being that has ever lived has reproduced as it is our sole evolutionary function.

People want meaning in a world that offers none. We are gene reproduction machines hurtling through space on a rock and inconsequential characters in the billion+ year story of the universe.

You can be depressed by that information or let it bring you immense joy every morning when you wake up and realize how lucky you are to participate in this journey for a tiny fraction of time with no purpose but to enjoy your little part.

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @cleaningup12 5 Jan

My Son is 18 and he's turned out better than I could've ever wished

But in the wider world, I feel that women have been sold a lie, you can have it all, career, children, marriage, equality, independence

It's ended up with millions of women on dating apps in their early 40s childless, unmarried and scared

So the birthrate is plummeting

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @oliverweiss 5 Jan

Why? Obviously, to make skateboarding great again…

10 sats \ 0 replies \ @Fabs 5 Jan

I think you're interpreting too much into this: Humans sole purpose - like other species - is to ensure that the species will continue on.

The reason we - want - to procreate, is because it's biologically hardwired into us. I don't get the whole philosophical yada yada.

56 sats \ 1 reply \ @Coinsreporter 5 Jan

it deepens our commitment to life.

Definitely.

And it's the work for what we're married, apart from many other things. I believe (confirming now) Children make your life more lovely and joyful. I'm not slightly bothered so far.

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @cryotosensei OP 5 Jan

Good that you’re enjoying fatherhood xP